It’s New Hobby Season

The weather is getting warmer well; at least I think it is, if it is anything under 75 degrees I am freezing my butt off. That is inside and outside, now don’t get me wrong I enjoy complaining about the hot weather just as much as I do the cold. But, air conditioning, although expensive to run constantly, is ever so lovely. There is nothing as orgasmic to your ears as the sound of the AC unit humming in the back of the house. Wait, I digress because I am a woman and women know there is another humming that is even more pleasant and orgasmic, haha. But, air conditioning is indeed lovely. So, now that it is Spring I need to take up a hobby.

I want to go outside and plant a garden this spring. I love the look of plants and flowers all abloom but, there are 2 things keeping me from doing it….1- I do not have a green thumb, I kill everything that is in a plant-like form. I will drown a cactus in a heartbeat and I don’t even know how I manage to kill plants that require little to no attention at all but, I do. And 2- I live in the hood. LOL Now I know what you are thinking, “the hood needs beauty too”, and I agree with you. But, my house is on a corner and it collects garbage like the local dump. Nothing aggravates me more than a cluttered, nasty yard except for a cluttered,nasty house. But, yet I manage to have both on a consistent basis. I also don’t like the idea of spending money and time beautifying my yard just to have some delinquent come and walk over my flowers or get the bright idea that if I can do that outside, imagine what I have inside. So, I guess no garden for me.

Hey, maybe I could start up that other business I have been thinking about. The Beer Truck….haha. Yes, I want to buy an ice cream truck and sell liquor and smokes out of it. I will have it playing music like “Tequila”, “One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer”, “I got loaded”, “Tequila Makes her clothes fall off” and “Cotton-Eyed Joe”. Obviously that song is extremely important because you are never really wasted until you have made an ass out of yourself dancing like a hillbilly to that ridiculous song in a bar full of complete strangers. I wonder if I will need a special driver’s license and a liquor license too? Could you imagine a Saturday night and all of a sudden you hear a song, it gets louder and louder. “OMG, it’s the Liquor LushMobile.”  Adults running with wads of cash in their hands yelling. Oh the possibilities…the pain it will evoke on my poor belly as I laugh myself into convulsions…the hits on my youtube channel of the drunks half dressed running after a liquor truck. LMAO Oh, yea I most definitely have got to put this on my Bucket List.

I guess I still have a little time to decide what I want to do this Spring. I know that I have to schedule plenty of time to take the kids to the Zoo and Science Center and as much swimming and park time as I can possibly fit in. I say take the kids but, what I really mean is I too enjoy those activities. Infact, we could go and do just about anything outside of the house if it means I don’t have to clean or do laundry. Those should be considered Winter Only activities not daily, weekly or even monthly ones.

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Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. -Voltaire

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