Note: This poem was written on July 31, 1994. I was barely 19 years old. The titles back then were so simplistic. My words that I penned were usually painful and either full of rage or confusion.I had left my father’s home 2 months prior and found out the reason so many in my family have turn to alcohol as the kill all for deep rooted pain.
I’m feeling all this strife
everyday of my life.
My emotions are real tight
now every day becomes a fight.
My heart is filled with countless dread
and my worst enemy is in my head.
I look upon the things I’ve done
and every thing leads to my gun.
How could a person who has stayed so strong
through everything that has turned out wrong,
turn and lead the life I lead
and hope things will get better without the greed?
I ask myself questions every day,
how can I live and still find time to play?
I tell myself that nobody gives a shit
for people like me, who give up and quit.
As I have sat night after night drinking beers
it only makes me waste all the tears.
I’m scared of my life and the horror it brings
I’m tired of living with reality’s stings.
As I sit and start thinking, I don’t give a damn
I wonder exactly who the hell I am.
How a life of loneliness I have led as a child
could turn me into a monster of wild?
I keep thinking and wondering when will my day come,
the answer keeps coming…”When your life is done!”