‘Twas The Night Before Christmas Parody

Deviant Art

Note: This poem was written on AllPoetry for a contest on December, 17, 2010 about Ho’s obviously because it was Christmas time. LOL Oh and it won 2nd place in the contest.
Not suitable for children!


‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the street
the hookers were sucking
and beating off meat.

The spouses of John’s
were wrapping up gifts
while their husbands were frolicking
and getting quite stiff.

The sounds of their moaning
filled the star laden skies
then rocking of cars
as the ho’s opened their thighs.

The scene was so merry
oh how they all played
til a man ran off
and a ho didn’t get paid.

What was she to do
this all felt so wrong
so she whistled for her pimp
while still holding her thong.

The pimp held his hat
and he ran after the man
when he finally caught up
he drew back his hand.

He snapped his hand forward
like a whip when it cracks
and proceeded to give
the man multiple smacks.

The man began crying
with such a release
that nobody heard the sirens
of the oncoming police.

The pimp gave a whistle
shouted out ho ho ho
thanked the man for his business
and said “Bitches let’s go.”

Now the pimp is more careful
of Christmas Eve deals
he now uses hotels
instead of hookers on wheels.

Now kiddies I tell you
listen up and believe
you shouldn’t go out hoeing
on the night of Christmas Eve.

Save the hoeing for Santa
because he really is good
just ask his mentor
the great Tiger Woods.

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. -Voltaire

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