A True Writer’s Epiphany

I have just had an epiphany!!! A special heartfelt thank you to my dear wonderful friend Sweepy Jean for posting the article ‘The 7 Virtues Every Writer Needs to Succeed.’

I found part of it to be quite enlightening…“The true writer understands that she must lose sleep, lose friends, and lose her sanity, and that even then she has no guarantee of ever being recognized as a writer.”

Prior to reading this I had been thinking about all the friends I have lost in the last few months and the ones I have gained. I am evolving again; I no longer tolerate what I did when I wasn’t a writer. Now my world is positive and more upbeat with an occasional backslide because I am human after all but, I am no longer the sarcastic, negative, cursing, badmouthing, intolerable, depressed person I was just a mere year ago. Every single day to me is now a new opportunity to be great.

A year ago nothing really mattered to me, I was stuck as a housewife and mom and had no aspirations of being anything more than what I was…I was content; grouchy and rude but, content. Then last year my journey began when instead of walking the same tired path, a treadmill walk so to speak; I had abruptly turned and strolled down a new path that I had never seen before.

I wrote in High School. I was in Advanced Writing as a Senior, it was not advanced enough for me. I found it boring and I often skipped class. I would find out what my assignment was from a friend, write it, hand it in and that was that. I graduated with an A+ average in that class and yet I was almost never there. Not once did it come to mind that I should be a writer. All I dreamed of doing with my life was to escape the tyranny of my abusive household; and I did but, I became a wife and mother soon afterwards and I just accepted that… that was my life, end of story.

But, last year I quickly went from roasting and goofing off in a rapper’s chatroom to keystylin’ (writing raps directly from my head using a KEYboard) to writing poems to freestylin’ (saying raps off the top of my head) to writing articles. In that short period of time I evolved into what you see today. I was moving forward with ease because of my supportive friends and I refused to put the damn pen down.

So back to my friends list; I know it seems a bit petty to gripe over it but, the people on my list are in categories of family, friends I have known in my personal life for at least 8 years and online friends I have known for at least 3 years. So why all of a sudden, were people deleting me or blocking me? I have always been loud, outspoken, rude/crude/lewd, bluntly put I’ve always been a bitch… nothing had changed, so why were they offended enough now to remove me?

Oh wait a minute… I CHANGED!!! It wasn’t my outspoken voice that was bothering them, it was the fact more people were listening now. It was the positive feedback I was getting from my new friends. It was the point when others and myself realized I was destined for greatness. Every time I posted a new accomplishment or published an article… like clockwork I lost friends. How dare I stop being a boring, uneducated, “loser” of a housewife and become a voice that people were cheering for… How dare I not go to college and have a great talent for writing… How dare I not only continue to speak my mind but, actually convince people that I was right in what I was saying… I have some nerve, don’t I?

This is the part where I should say I am sorry but, I won’t. Because I am not sorry for becoming more then what I was, for making my children proud with each new accomplishment, and I sure as Hell am not going back to plain ol’ housewife status so some people can feel better about their lives. I will never feel bad for accomplishing my goals and dreams. If it means I lose more so-called friends, so be it. Friends support one another and if mine aren’t supporting me than you weren’t my friends to begin with.

Now you know I’m a thinker and my mind has more to say:I also realized that as I was losing “friends” I was gaining new ones as well; more professional, supportive friends. Ones who actually read what I write not judge it based on a title; people who not only support my dream of being a writer but, gladly hand me the tools and knowledge to make those dreams come true. People, who like me, refuse to treat others badly, no matter how much they deserve to be told off. You know, the kind of people who think games are for kids.

The Universe was flashing a huge neon sign at me and I had missed it, until now…Yes I miss signs too. These people who were removing me are doing me an enormous favor; every time one leaves it opens the door for “new” people to enter my life. Before long my timeline’s will be full of people I actually enjoy interacting with. I will want to continue to better myself because I see them making the world a better place. That excites me, I have always felt like the outsider and now I don’t. Home at last, home at last thank the Lord I am home at last!!!

So now every time I log in online and someone is missing, I can say “Thank You” to the Universe and roll out the red carpet for my new special friend. And to everyone who has stood beside me from beginning to end, you my dears are appreciated more then you will ever know. Because I am a true writer!!!

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23 thoughts on “A True Writer’s Epiphany

  1. Adriene (Sweepy Jean) says:

    Oh, Jenni, I’m so glad the link I shared was meaningful to you. I have seen the transformation in you from when I first met you online, from being very private to sharing openly in a way we can relate to. Yes, you are a true writer, a good one. Don’t ever stop. I’m so happy that you’ve found your home!

    • InJensMind says:

      I truly appreciate all you have done for me. Constant criticism kept me private for a long time. I stayed private to protect myself when all I ever wanted to do was share my experiences to help others get through their life. It took me finding like-minded people to realize that the people who needed my words most weren’t hearing them because I was too busy worrying about others having an issue with me. Now I can make sure those who need me get told what they need to hear. It feels so good to finally have a home.

  2. sulekkha says:

    Jenni, your posts are so amazingly honest, brutal and sincere that I get inspired to do the same. True friends never leave and those who stand by you during rough times are precious. I am so happy for you, go spread the cheer friend, i am rooting for you.

    • InJensMind says:

      Thank you Sulekkha. A friend of mine once told me “Don’t lower yourself down to other people’s levels, make them come up to you.” I knew exactly what that meant but, as a humble person I struggled in doing so. Then I realized I am not helping anyone if I don’t give my all and make sure everyone around me gives their all. So to see you say that you are inspired to do the same makes me proud of both you and me. I am honored to inspire people because I believe when you help one you are helping all.

  3. rimly says:

    You know Jenni most people are frightened of such honesty that you reflect in your writing. Most dont know how to react. You are a very honest and open person and I am so happy that everyday you are making new special friends. The ones that you lost were never really friends, they were just sticking around watching you grovel with a smirk on their face. I know the type. They love to feel sorry for others and feel superior about themselves but you start becoming strong and positive they lose interest and they go looking for another victim to gloat over in the name of friendship. You are better of without them. All the best in life with your wonderful sharp, honest writing.

    http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2011/01/us.html

    • InJensMind says:

      What’s that saying…”Don’t tell your problems to people: eighty percent don’t care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.” I think the numbers are off a bit because there are some who do care but, it is a very minuscule amount. I saw that time and time again but, I refused to believe it. I guess I am just a sentimental old fool who still has a portion of me who believes that people will do the right thing when the time comes. I can dream right? But, anyway, yes I have learned many important things this year and it only makes me stronger and wiser. Thank you Rimly for not only accompanying me on my journey but, for allowing me to take part in yours.

  4. Orea de Sa'Hana says:

    Count me in as a new friend. 🙂

    And yes, like a tree in autumn, the leaves we no longer need tend to fall away. I’ve lost a number of friends, too, but you know, they are the ones who are losing out by not sharing this path with me. I wouldn’t go back for anything, because where I am and where I’m going is too gratifying and exciting to want less in life.

    So I say to you, BRAVA! You must be doing something right. Losing old, not-so-good friends is probably a good sign! 😉

    Blessings,
    Orea
    http://orea-highervoice.blogspot.com

    • InJensMind says:

      Welcome Orea, I am elated to have a new friend. You are correct, “they are the ones losing out.” I also agree with you 100% “I wouldn’t go back for anything, because where I am and where I’m going is too gratifying and exciting to want less in life.” I too feel that way. Others may have no noticed but, I know that it’s only getting better and if people don’t want to be patient until I get there well too bad, because in life nothing happens over night. I will never reach my top because every time I reach my goal I rise it up again and again, because I want to be a better person every moment of my life not just until I reach my goal. Why aim for the sky when there is an enormous Universe out there just waiting to be discovered and claimed….

  5. melissa says:

    Oh just love the way you pour you heart down through writing. You are a true writer! really believe that. I am glad with the epiphany that you just had. The manifestations are visible and even I could say that you’ve mellowed a bit.

    I think there’s a big line between personality and talent.There should be objectivity when it comes to art work. I told one friend who asked for a vote that I can’t if it’s a ‘garbage’…but thanks God, he didn’t disappoint me because his writing skills are incomparable.

    Well, other people couldn’t handle frankness… but I guess one just have to keep on moving and following his/her passion to write. One writes not to please people nor gather votes nor increase page views but because he/she couldn’t breathe without it… (Oh I love you M. Rilke!)

    In somma, I love love you as a writer… and I love your posts :)…it comes from my heart..

    your fan,
    Melissa

    • InJensMind says:

      Thank you Melissa. I believe as you do, I cannot in good conscience vote for something just because one is my friend. I read them all and will pick the one that is best. I then make sure to give ideas and what not to my friend so that next time they can improve and one day they will be the better one to get the vote. As a writer, I have come a long way and have a lot more to go; this is true as a person too. We should never stop evolving, be it in our talents or personal life. And yes, you are mos definitely right people can not handle frankness, that’s fine because there is no doubt in my mind my words will continue to echo through their head long after we are no longer friends.

  6. blognostics says:

    You are so blessed with this talent. Bring your gift to the fore. Allow your friends list to be filtered each day. The diamonds will be left and the pebbles thrown out 😉

    • InJensMind says:

      Thank you!!! I like that ” The diamonds will be left and the pebbles thrown out.” Occasionally I like pebbles, if only to keep me on my toes. I can say after all this struggle finding out who is my true friends I definitely know the worth of everyone I still have by my side.

  7. Alpana Jaiswal says:

    I have always respected you for being honest,someone is not sacred to hold on to what one believes,and that is what makes you different from the rest..You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
    Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

    • InJensMind says:

      Thank you Alpana. It makes me so happy when I have people in my life who get me as much as I get them, makes for a much better friendship all around. Losing my sister this year was a major catalyst for me, I was slapped in the face with the whole “life is short” thing and I have made sure I work hard and enjoy my life since then.

    • InJensMind says:

      Thank you Mari. “Honesty is the best policy.” But, seriously, I couldn’t stand myself if I didn’t always keep things real, why should my blog be any different..

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. -Voltaire

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