No Pictures Please

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I hate having my picture taken…hate hate HATE it!!! I am always behind the camera, snapping away at everyone I know. But, here I am looking at all these pictures; some in boxes, some in computer files, some in albums and some on Facebook.

Where the Hell are my family portraits? Where are the goofy pictures of me and my siblings as adults? Why do I not have one single picture of my grandmother and me? In fact where is the mother/daughter pictures of my mom and me or my daughter and me? Where is the picture of me standing on a chair so my son and I can be the same height? Where are the happy couple pictures of my husband and I???

 

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I’m scared to be photographed! I’m Native American Indian…pictures will steal my soul, I will never be able to reincarnate, the light bulb demon that lives in the flash will break free and take over the planet… I cannot be responsible for that.

 

 

Ok, that’s not the real reason but, it might as well be because my reasoning is as silly as that is. My ridiculous ass never thought to take pictures of my sister when I was in Vegas in 2007 and now all I have of her is childhood photos, her second wedding pictures that she gave me years ago and pictures of her with other people who are not me!! *Sigh*

Me 1993

Every time I see a camera, I scream like I’m 2 and hide…When the Hell did I start doing that? I was never frightened to put on a stupid face and be right smack dab in the middle of the picture. I was always doing something retarded looking with a huge smile on my face. When did I become the scary old hunchbacked recluse in the haunted house on the corner???

Oh, yes I remember… I got married, got fat and lost my smile. Yep, all excellent reasons to stay far away from a camera that will only amplify the horror of not being a happy person. It takes me 20 pictures before I find one that is worthy of Facebook let alone to be cherished forever by my family.

My husband has always been a busy man, so he is in very few pictures; yet he always has a huge smile and goofy face when there is a camera thrust upon him. Which just confirms that men are big kids and don’t stress half as much as we women do. But, I digress because this isn’t a slam men post it’s a Jenni, you dumbass post!!! *Facepalm*

The last family picture we had taken was when our daughter was born, she’s 15 now. My son and daughter have a picture together he was sleeping; a few years ago I took them to a place and got a free picture of the two of them. A few years ago, HA more like over 5 years ago. When they were in public school I always paid for picture packages. I take loads of pictures of my kids, those memories are priceless.

But, what if I died… what if I was in a coma… what if… My kids won’t have photos of their mom; just because I was too terrified to have any permanent reminder that showed my internal sadness or anger. There are no goofy smiles or a sparkle in my eye pictures for my kids to cherish.

 

 

Jess & I circa 92-93

Just like I have no pictures of my sister and me since we were teens in High School. How depressing is that?

 

 

I don’t even own a camera; with cellphones coming equipped with them, I figured why spend money on something I don’t need… just shoot me now!!!

I am going to buy my first digital camera in the next week or two and I will give it to my daughter. She wants to try photography anyway. Looks like I am going to have to suffer and just let unflattering pictures of me be flaunted. I am already shaking at the thought but, I can’t allow my family to feel the guilt I do, when an unexpected death happens and you look at photo albums then realize all the memories in your aging brain never got saved.

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10 thoughts on “No Pictures Please

  1. jan says:

    I don’t like pictures of myself either, but I have had to get used to it, more with my grandkids than anything. I want them to have something to look at when some one else in the family mentions”do you remember when Crazygramma…..”, it is only fair I have nude pictures of each and every one of them.

  2. Deborah Scatteredmusings says:

    Jen, I feel your pain. I just went through the same reminiscing the other day.
    I realized I don’t have any pictures of myself as a child, and barely any as an adult. Like you I run from the camera and when they finally catch me and snap I immediately say, that picture better be stuck in a drawer somewhere or deleted. I don’t even bother looking as I know it looks horrible anyways. Yep, 30 pictures later and I can find 1 picture I might use. I am also learning to just go with the flow and my new “grumpy ol” motto is “if someone don’t like it, they don’t gotta look at it”

  3. Debra Elramey says:

    Jenn, I find myself asking that same question: “When did I become the scary old hunchbacked recluse in the haunted house on the corner…” Or, as some of my next door neighbors are likely saying, “the crazy lady who sings love songs to her cats and dog.”

    We stopped taking family portraits long ago. It’s a thing of the past, as archaic as the sepia saloon pictures of cowboys and outlaws. Like in those unsmiling pictures from the dark ages where they pose as though they’re just back from the funeral.

    My daughter too. She is ‘into’ photography nowadays. And she’d good. What kind of camera is your girl getting? I hope she loves it as much as my wonder girl.

  4. sancheeta biswas says:

    though i have also gone fat after marriage but still i love posing for my daughter. to her i am her perfect model. that is what brings her a perfect ‘u’ curve on her face. i love capturing the moment not by the flash lights but imprinted in my mind.

  5. rimly says:

    I love to be photographed and I equally take pictures. When my son was a baby (these days he is my official photographer!) I would be all my time taking his pictures. It was just yesterday that I pulled out the box of pictures of the past and it is such a nostalgic treat looking at them and remembering the times then. You definitely should give your daughter a camera. It is my son’s passion.

    My latest post
    http://rimlybezbaruah.blogspot.com/2011/07/i-am-not-photographerron-is.html

  6. melissa says:

    Oh I thought you were scared of the flash Jenni… it’s so contrary to the people out here (especially in my country)… we all love our photos taken. You could just see the albums and wacky profile pics filipinos have on their FBs, etc… It seems that everything has to be flaunted…especially trips here and there…

    Now getting back to you… when we became friends, the first thing i looked at were your photos… hmmm… I really wanted to see your face… I wish you could have your photos taken… you are beautiful :).

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. -Voltaire

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