My Twin Nephews Turn 1 Today

One year ago today, I became an aunt for the 4th time when my sister Jessica gave birth to twin boys, Harley and Marley.

Of course I am an aunt to all my husband’s nieces and nephews as well but, this special post goes out for the birthday boys.

I haven’t gotten a chance to hold my nephews let alone spoil them rotten or even throw them a huge party. As sad as I am about that, I am much sadder that their mom isn’t there to do those things neither.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 months already since Jess passed. It still feels so surreal to me. She would go M.I.A. for months at a time and if I don’t think about it too much it’s as if she is still here. But, when I see a movie or hear a song, I get slapped back into reality. She’s gone and isn’t coming back ever! That fucking sucks!!!

Jess left behind 4 beautiful children and it hurts my soul so much that I haven’t had a chance to spend the time that an aunt should get with her nieces and nephews. On top of that I don’t even have pictures. Well, luckily my mom has a chance to spend time with the boys and I can get pictures from her but, it’s just not the same as being there or taking the pictures yourself. I will take what I can get though because that’s what a loving aunt does… happily accepts what is offered her with a saddened heart but, keeps her tears hidden from the world and still says thank you.

But, today I won’t complain and I won’t cry because I can’t see my nephews on their first birthday. Instead, I will sob silently for my sister while the Happy Birthday song will loudly flow from my still grieving soul. I will sing so loud that the heavens will have no choice but, to open up and send angels down to sing along with me! 

Happy Birthday Harley and Marley… Your aunt Jenni loves you very much! And because your mom loved how crazy I could be and was so ecstatic every time I listened to New Kids On The Block… I must post a birthday video for you both so that you can know a small portion of your mom and my childhood memories.

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12 thoughts on “My Twin Nephews Turn 1 Today

  1. Alpana Jaiswal says:

    Happy birthday to Harley and Marley,I can feel your pain Jenni,today is exactly six months since my sister passed away,and I know the heart ripping pain.We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can’t turn the hourglass over.

  2. Tameka Mullins says:

    Jen, I feel for you my dear. Your love for your sister is so pure and I am sure you will get to spend time with your nephews in the future. I don’t get to see my nieces and nephews a lot either so I can relate to that aunt sadness you speak of. What lovely names for the boys! I love them! Harley and Marley. God bless them and the rest of your family and you.

    http://lyricfire.typepad.com/lyric-fire/2011/08/lyric-fire-look-at-my-fabulous-life-episode-2-.html

  3. Martha Orlando says:

    Jen, my heart aches for you in this loss of your sister. I can relate as I lost a husband 14 years ago. The grief and despair you describe fit the emotions, with all the ramifications, in losing a loved one. I can’t tell you how many times I railed against God in my anger, my sorrow, and my anguish. He was patient with me and He listened, even when I defied listening to Him. He pulled me through at last, but the grieving/healing process? I had to want for that to happen.

    “The only people who actually live life to the fullest are those who are on death’s doorstep”, you stated, and I believe you are right. Until we can look death in the face with the certainty of salvation, we never can truly begin to live. I reflected upon this very idea in one of my recent blogs, and hope you can find the time to read it. I hope it helps. I pray God helps you and blesses your nephews and all you love that you may spend precious moments together soon!

    So, my question: What can help you heal the hurt, my dear?

  4. Nelieta says:

    Wonderful post, Jenni! Happy birthday to your nephews. I wish I was closer to mine. My brother´s son will turn two in January and I have only seen him on photos 😦

  5. Anna Sides says:

    I can only imagine your heartache while writing this post and know how deeply your love goes. I am so very sorry for your loss. And although you can never go back in time, I’m sure she knows that she had a wonderful sister, one who would look out for her four lovely children in this situation. You have a day of wonderful happiness dampened by your sadness. I hope that they enjoy their ‘birthday’ video and get all that they wish for when they are blowing out their candles 🙂

Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. -Voltaire

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