Mother’s Day 2012: A Letter To My Mom

It’s Mother’s Day again… don’t act so surprised, I mean, it does come every single year in May. Last year, I was talking about Mother’s Day and how I was struggling with my sister’s birthday coming up and how my husband always acted like “my” days didn’t matter.

This year is different, even though May 13th is Mother’s Day and would have been Jess’s 35th birthday. So before I get into the mom stuff, let’s have a moment of silence for my sister.

Happy birthday Jess! You will never be forgotten. I love you & miss you so much!

When I started writing this post my brain took me on a wild journey that could have left me stranded in the abyss of negativeness and uncontrollable rage. But, I decided I would save that trip for another time, a time when I wasn’t trying to write a dedication post. So instead of writing about how having two “moms” on Mother’s Day meant to me, I have chosen to write about just my biological mom… and quite frankly the ONLY MOM I have. (Another time I will elaborate but, today this post will remain free of that…)

My mom got pregnant at age 17, she gave birth to me 1 month and 5 days after her 18th birthday. She delivered me in McLaren Hospital in Flint, Michigan on July 17th, 1975. My father, who she had just married on Valentine’s Day of that very year was nowhere to be found. I exaggerate because he could have been found but, needless to say nobody cared enough to drag his sorry ass to the hospital so he could do his husbandly/fatherly duty. (I know I said I wouldn’t mention them but, that part was extremely important. It shows how brave my mother was.)

I have heard countless times about my birth from my mom… Don’t all children? I was breach, “You had your little feet on both sides and you refused to come out.” And now you all know when and where my stick-it-to-the-man never back down attitude started. There are many things over the years my mom has told me about the first 5 years I lived with her. There are even more stories that were passed on to me by people who think that I don’t remember. For some reason they act like I didn’t witness it for myself. Those people and their stories are irrelevant at this time.

Now I can’t sit here and lie to you all and tell you that I have loads of fond mother/daughter memories as a child and teen, because I don’t. I can’t tell you that I didn’t have my fair share of issues growing up without my mom in my daily life. My mom wasn’t perfect… no human being is. My mom often tells me, “I know I will never be mother of the year.” I always laughed that comment off. I thought it was silly that mom thought like that, because I have never cared one way or another. I figured that once someone apologized and you forgave them then it was done and from that point on it was no longer an issue. Maybe it wasn’t for me that she was saying it.

But, now I am going to award her. I am going to give her something that is better than Mother of the Year. Because she deserves more than a title that comes and goes every year and here is why…

My mother did the best she could with what she had. She made mistakes. She didn’t always say or do the right thing. She made choices that weren’t the best. But…

  • She NEVER abused us. There was no emotional blackmail, no beatings, no psychological terrorism laid upon us by her whatsoever.
  • She ALWAYS loved us unconditionally.
  • She worried and fretted and if at any time one of her kids were not speaking to her she would ask about them to the ones that were. (In other words, she’d always ask me.)
  • She APOLOGIZED for all the things she did or didn’t do.
  • She NEVER repeatedly did those things after apologizing. (That is something many do not do.) When she said sorry she meant it.
  • She NEVER did to us what was done to her.
  • She lost a grown child who wasn’t speaking to her and lives with the guilt from that. (Even though she shouldn’t torture herself over things she had no control over.)
  • She went back to school, taking college courses at age 55.
  • She is the ONLY person helping to care for her 77-yr-old mother and her 79-yr-old step-father.
  • She has 7 grand-kids, 2 that she has never met or been allowed to know. (Jess’s older daughters) 2 that are just starting to open up to her. (Jess’s twin boys) All 7 living in other states away from her. Yet she holds out faith of one day having all of them close by in her life and loves each and every single one of them with her heart and soul.
  • She’s not fake… She doesn’t smile in your face and at the same time try to turn people against you behind your back.
  • No matter who tried to stand in her way she never stopped being who she is.
  • She wakes up every day, goes out and gives the world her all.

Plain and simply put… She is my best friend, I love her, and I am blessed to call her mom!!!

Dear Mom,
Happy Mother’s Day. I love you more than you probably even know.
Words; even from someone as prolific as I am, just cannot express the
love that I have for you. I don’t need for you to be anything that you aren’t,
I never did. You and I know the truth of our relationship. We both know what
we went through. You have given me more than any one ever could by just you being you. You don’t ask me to be anyone or anything that I am not. You don’t
try to change me. You’re not embarrassed (yet… lol) by me. I know that you
love me and the kids and even Gustavo. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. I don’t feel the need to punish you for the past, we have long since moved on
from all that bullshit. 
I am who I am today partly because of you. Nobody in
the world can ever take that from you no matter how much they think they can, they can not! I am proud of all you have accomplished and what you will do. I am honored that you have allowed me to be included in all that
you do. I am proud to be your daughter. I am proud of all that you are and all
that you aren’t. Simply stated… I AM PROUD OF YOU!!! I wish I could be there to say this all in person and hug you tightly. But, that just isn’t in the cards right now so…
May you have the
happiest of days today and every day.
And never ever ever forget that

Conversational Conundrum

I got to thinking today about how many intellectual conversations I have daily. I don’t get out and socialize much anymore since my car turned back into a pumpkin; but, I do talk a lot on social media sites, not as much as I use to but, still.

It’s strange to me that 90% of my most intriguing verbal exchanges are between my daughter (15 years old) and me. I don’t know if I should be happy or concerned. I am proud that my daughter can discuss a variety of topics and keep me mentally engaged. That is a very hard thing to do, because I swear I have A.D.D. and I become uninterested quickly. To me nothing is more vital than mental stimulation, and I do mean NOTHING. But, I’m concerned about the rest of my interactions.

Although I love conversing with her, she can’t take the place of the orgasmic delight you get from an adult conversation. No I don’t mean sexual banter, I mean two adults bonding on a completely higher level. Wait; let me think about that for a minute. I think that is possible but, thinking of the 10% of the discussions I have outside of my daughter’s and mine; I can’t exactly say I have had an orgasmic tête-à-tête.

Wow, that’s a little harsh on the people I talk to huh. But, it’s true; I wonder if I fall in the category of ho-hum conversationalist for them as well. I wonder if people who consider themselves to be on a higher level of chat, actually only are so in their own minds. Obviously, I think way more than I speak. LOL

Who do you converse with all the time? Do you get bored easily with the conversation like I do? Do you consider them to be on, below or above your level of intellect?

I think I am stuck in this conversational conundrum at least until my daughter finds herself thinking she is more intelligent than I am. Oh, how I await that. LOL

Edward Verschaffelt
Mother and Daughter

Forever you shall be my "unconditional" love

I love my kids more then anything in this world or out of it for that matter. I could go my entire life without a single other person near me but, them. Nobody and I mean NOBODY will ever occupy that part of me like they can.

I am sure you will say, “All mother’s say that about their own kids.” No, ALL mothers do not say it, think it or feel, trust me when I say I know many a mother who is more consumed with the scent of her bodywash then that of her children. Sad world we live in isn’t it?!

I say this because as you know, we just celebrated my son’s 13th birthday on the 9th. As I sat with the kids all day waiting for their father to come home, the fires of Hell were visible throughout my entire body. I swear you could not only feel the heat coming off me but, see the red glow just looking for an escape route. 11:30 pm we took my son to eat at Denny’s for his birthday. No cake, no gift, just a lousy ass meal from a second-rate restaurant. I mean they’re ok but, they aren’t birthday material, at least not in my Elizabeth Taylor imagination.

As we drove to Denny’s I became more calm. While ordering food and eating I was much calmer. By the time I went to sleep I was the Dali Lama.  My son was happy, with all he didn’t get, he was still happy!?! We came home, lied on the couch, cuddled and watched Paradise:Hawaiian Style, which my son picked out by the way. It is my firm believe that Elvis can calm the angriest of beasts. I know this to be true because when I am angry, there isn’t anything more fierce on this planet, hence my nickname, Leona. (Lioness)  Singing or acting; that man, who I am also distant cousins with,(my great-great grandma on my father’s maternal side is a Presley) can tame the wildabeast in me.

So today I decided, every birthday will now be a week long event, because this is not the first time and it won’t be the last where I am trying to make rice pudding out of birdseed to make up for their father’s lack of sensitivity and common sense. I came to the conclusion I would take my son to Marshall’s, which closes at 9:30 pm and my son can pick out his birthday gift. I called “it”, because at that moment I couldn’t possibly call him husband. Husband is a word you use for a man who actually does what husbands are suppose to do. I asked him, “Will you be home before 8 pm?” “Yes” he said. Now that right there is where my stupidity comes into play. You see I know damn well that he is never on time. He keeps absolutely no schedule and as soon as I have plans, well…. forget about it…. he will do whatever in his power to screw that up. He walked in the house at 9:30 pm, how convenient!!!! I gave him a verbal bashing, again my stupidity and raging temper came into play, and said I am taking my son to WalGreen’s.

Needless to say, my son got his birthday gift at WalGreen’s. But, he is happy. You read that right, MY SON IS HAPPY with his gift from WalGreen’s. Why am I shocked? I said I raised them right, didn’t I? I was happy with anything I got as a child too because I worked hard for what I got. My kids don’t have to do much, they are basically still spoiled just not with toys like when they were real little.

This is where I know that I am a great mom. This is the part where I get all teary-eyed, realizing I have broken the cycle of bad parenting in my family and sill managed to raise wonderful human beings. And despite the fact my husband can be an inconsiderate jackass of a man when it comes to birthdays and holidays,I know deep in my soul that his part in all of this just reinforces what I teach them. “There will always be people in your life like him”, I told the kids earlier this week. That is the truth, there will always be people in your lives who think they are more valuable, important, gifted, or whatever, than you. It is best to learn how to deal with them sooner rather than later. In otherwords, don’t live your life around their schedule, ignore them and keep living your life fully. People like “them” will one day have to face Karma and aren’t they going to be shocked when they find out the purpose of life wasn’t about money. Oh well, have fun with that.

My children use to get disappointed for their fathers lack of commitment, therefore I too would be disappointed for them. I was constantly picking up the pieces and “fixing” everything. I became exhausted from doing it on a daily basis. I never minded doing it because I am their mother and nobody is more important to me then they are. NOBODY!! I stand by that til my death. When I was in need…they were there. When I was alone…they were there. When I was happy…they were there. They have always been there as I have been for them. And no matter what happens or doesn’t happen, we love one another. That right there is what we call, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!  So I leave you with this insight…. keep the ones that matter close and all in life will be as it should be.

OMG I am now the mother of 2 teenagers

 I am officially the mother of not one but, two teenage children. My baby, although I am sure he doesn’t want to be called that, haha, is now the big 1-3. Yep 13 years old now. Oh man, I don’t know if I feel old enough to have two teen kids. Ok, well my bones say yes but, the rest of me says NO WAY!

What I don’t get is, where the hell did the time go? One day I am holding them as babies, feeding them with bottles and rocking them to sleep and now….they are eating me out of house and home and basically putting me to bed. I just do not have the energy to stay up like they do. There must be a minute usage on how many you can use up not sleeping in your lifetime. I think I used mine up, either that or I need a new minute plan. So, I guess that means my life minutes must be courtesy of Sprint. LOL Let me call someone and get a new plan.

I have no idea what we are going to do for him, I would ask but, times are hard right now and I am sure whatever he wants to do is going to be over-budget. Sad but, tis life. They are good kids, mostly because I am a very hands-on parent, I teach them not only what parents should but, also Homeschool them. Well, technically I Unschool them but, since most of the world has no idea what that means and I don’t feel like constantly explaining we will say Homeschool. I take great pride in the fact that I have raised my kids every moment of their lives since their birth, alot of parents don’t or can’t. I have to give alot of credit to my husband though, because he is the bread winner and he works his butt off daily for whatever he can get so that we can live. He too wanted me to stay at home and raise our kids. I guess alot of men wouldn’t even come up with that let alone allow it. For that I am very grateful.

So, yea, my kids are understanding. They realize life is not all handouts and fairytales, this too is a blessing in disguise because a few years ago they had no idea what that meant. Both my husband and I gave them everything. Every time we were out they got a toy or something, they were beyond spoiled. It took my son (the baby) the longest to comprehend this, he just recently came to grips with it though. If I had the choice I would give them the world on a platinum platter, because I am their mom and I should give them all I never had. Funny thing is I already give them all I never had even if I cannot give them material things I give them the love that I never truly felt as a child. I can see on their faces that they appreciate and are thankful for that.

As far as his birthday goes, well, we will figure out something nice and fun for him. When I speak to them about memories it is always the little things that I tend to slip my old mind, that they remember the most. Like anything from a movie we watched together at home to a day at the Zoo or even taking the long way home and almost running out of gas. LOL Because mommy NEVER gets lost, just side tracked by the beauty of the open road!!! I will let ya’ll know what we end up doing and how much he enjoyed it. Just keep in mind that the littlest things we take forgranted  are the things they always remember, like a home made card on Mother’s Day, a heartfelt day of having fun together not only lasts forever but, will be passed down and become a tradition later on.