The Mice Before Christmas

The Mice Before Christmas

Read the story of the three mice brothers reading The Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. Will they finish the book before Santa comes?

The Last Moment Before Christmas

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A Friday ritual. A single photo — no words — capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by the Wee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to others by Sarah-Jane, of Almost There.

I was asked to participate in this by Anna Sides, of The Other Side of Anna and the other great blogging members of the Facebook group Blogplicity.

If you find yourself touched by a moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

Pretty Poinsettias Copyrighted-InJensMind

I Tracked Santa And Ended Up At The NorthPole

Google ImageThere is 2 days until Christmas Eve and if you are a parent, caregiver, guardian, grandparent, or just a displaced elf, like myself, there are a few sites that you should be aware of (if you aren’t already).

One of the greatest sites ever is at the Northpole. There are many activities for you and your child. There are games, recipes, stories to read and color, and much much more. Your child can also write a letter to Santa and he will write back. It’s probably a little late to do this now. Wait… I will try it out. Don’t move, I will be right back!

Ok, I signed up to the site which took seconds to fill out (you or your child can sign up but, have to be over the age of 13 to do so). In a few minutes I filled out the information Santa requests such as age, sex (don’t be perverted now), naughty or nice, and what you would like for Christmas. At the bottom of that is a place where you can type in your wish list and send a note to Santa. I did put that I’m naughty so don’t get your panties in a bunch.

In my wish list I said:

I wish for a better year for my family and friends.
World peace.
For the end of the world not to take place next year.
To get a good job writing.
For my husband to get back to work in a Union job.
For unconditional love to continue to bless those that I love.

What?!?! I do wish for those things. LOL
And in my quick note to Santa:

I am a huge fan Santa. Keep up the good work and may you have a magical, safe, and Merry Christmas!

Does that come off a wee bit ass-kissingly? I swear I am being sincere.

I filled mine out in true eccentric/comedic Jen fashion (like I do for everything) and got this reply…

Dear Jenni,
Thank you for sending your letter to Santa.

This is a very busy time here at the North Pole and Santa has lots of letters to read, but he does read and answer each and every one.

It usually takes Santa three days to answer a letter. Please come back then to Santa’s Secret Village at http://www.northpole.com. You will need your user ID and password to read your letter.

Merry Christmas!
Bif, the Mailroom elf

P.S. Parents, Santa needs your help to create a more personalized experience for your child this Christmas! Click here for more information.

Fast and easy, right? There is a lot and I mean a lot of things to do on the site so it is definitely worth checking out.

The next site that you and your children will absolutely adore is NoradSanta (you can visit this site by clicking NoradSanta or from the Northpole site). On this site they track Santa’s flying pattern in real-time as he travels the world delivering presents to all the good little boys and girls. (Hopefully, a few of us naughty ones too.)

I have used this site with my kids for about 4 years now and they love it. In different places like in London for instance, you will see a little video icon where you can watch Santa flying around Big Ben. You can watch several of these around the world so you aren’t just exciting your child with seeing Santa but, get to see loads of different places around the globe. There is also a countdown clock in the Countdown Village where your child can play games.

So there you have it people a couple of sites to spend the next

01 days
18 hrs
03 mins
49 secs

and counting…

If you want something to read to your kids before bed make sure to check out my story, The Mice Before Christmas on Yahoo. It is a story about 3 little mice brothers who read and discuss the Night Before Christmas poem.

Oh and there is still time to donate to a Merry Kenia Christmas. I will be leaving it open until her 15th birthday January 23rd. Thank you to all who have left loving comments on the post I will be sure to tell Kenia what you have all said and will write a followup piece with photos (hopefully) after Christmas.
May your hearts and homes be filled with love, happiness, and joyous voices gathered together on a most magical day! Merry Christmas to all of you and yours from me and mine!

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‘YouTube Tuesday’: Christmas Edition

YouTube Tuesday, adopted from Josh at Its Tiger Time, is a day set aside for sharing your favorite video.

Feel free to join in each week and see how creative we bloggers can be. Each month, Josh will highlight a selected video and present the winner with the ‘YouTube Tuesday’ Award.
If you participate, remember to leave your YouTube Tuesday link at Its Tiger Time as well as all the blogs you visit.

So, I know this video is an advertisement for the Hub channel but, I love it. The kids were watching cartoons and I stopped what I was doing to watch this when it came on. I started laughing hysterically because that is so me at the end of the video. I go all crazy and off-topic with my singing just like Bulkhead does. LMAO! Hope you enjoy our last YouTube Tuesday before Christmas.

Tis The Season

I randomly hum Christmas songs and then just when you think I couldn’t get any more annoying… BAM!!! I break out into a top of my lungs version of ‘Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer’ or the ’12 Days of Christmas’. If you’re lucky, you’ll hear my version of a song as well. Bowels of Holly anyone?

Deck the halls with bowels of holly fa la la la la la la la la!

Am I the only one who does this? Probably not, but I will bet I am the only one who does this year round. Ok, that might be reaching a bit. I definitely know many people who are far too freaking jolly and put my juvenile jubilation to shame. To those overly jovial Christmas crackheads, I come off as Scrooge. Bah-humbug!

Speaking of Scrooge; I don’t miss an opportunity to watch any showing of the 5 million versions. If one is fortunate, I may forget that somewhere on some channel; some form of Scrooge is playing. Lord help my family because I will force them to sit down and enjoy it with me or else. The holidays are about family after all, and I can be very persuasive. LOL The family enjoys watching the shows as much as I do though.

Sunday, we bought our Christmas tree from Home Depot; a tradition that was born when we moved into this much bigger house in 2008. We lived in an apartment complex for too long and although many people enjoy a real tree in their apartments we stuck to plastic. I grew up with a plastic tree and every year we would grow bigger until we were all taller than the top of the tree. It was the livelihood of my redneck childhood.

Our trip to Home Depot was as merry as are all of our family outings. By merry I mean at some point someone is going to shout, someone is going to pout, and someone is most definitely going to be in tears. (Usually, me.) So, my son wanted to get a dark green tree. My husband had his heart set on an 8/9-foot Balsam fir. My daughter had no idea what she wanted. But finally, with the help of the greatest mom on the planet (Umm, that would be me, duh.) the kids picked out a lovely 8-foot White Pine tree. The husband was ecstatic because he had chosen a $65 tree and the White Pine was a sweet $18. *Ding ding ding we have a winner here folks!* I am a little nervous and “You get what you pay for” is dancing like sugar plums in my head but, so far we love it.

Christmas 2011 Copyrighted-InJensMind

My grandparent’s (on my mom’s side) always had a real tree. Well, I think they did, I only visited them every other Christmas so I’m not sure. The funny thing is I have no recollection of many things from my childhood, except for some of the really horrible things. Wow, I need to work on recovering my happy memories. Ah memories.

Anyway, I digress. One year my grandparents had decorated the entire tree in stuffed animals. Grandpa had a morning habit of going up to the local coffee shop in Mt. Morris, MI every morning for coffee. I know what you are thinking and no, I couldn’t have worded that sentence without saying coffee twice. *Tee-hee* Anyway, grandpa would play the claw game (wait for it) and he had this streak of awesome luck where he won loads of stuffed animals. So like any other person in my weird as all get out family, he put them on the tree. It was a child’s dream, I know because I am telling you about it hence, I loved it enough to remember it.

In my children’s lifetime; they have enjoyed such colored trees as green, white, and pink. Yes, one year I made the men in my house endure the tiny tacky pink plastic tabletop tree. My son, now 13 years old, asked me to buy another pink tree this year. I love his enthusiasm but, he will have to wait until next year when I pull off the ultimate Skittles Christmas. Taste the rainbow, bitches! LOL I jest, I jest!

A few years ago, ok more like 9-10 years ago, my husband and I decided to flip our white plastic tree upside down and hang it from the ceiling. Right now as I write this, I am mad that I never took pictures of it. Argh! That was the year I found out that my Scrinch of a husband was really Santa’s number 1 elf in disguise.

Our kids; 4 and 6 years old, sat with me in amazement at their father hanging up every single Christmas decoration that we owned. By the time he was done, you would have sworn that you were smack dab in the middle of the North Pole. Several years later we allowed him to decorate again and before long it looked as if Rudolph had been binge eating the decorations again and then vomited them all over the ceiling and walls. Why yes, I do have a picture for that one.

Christmas 2006 Copyrighted-InJensMind

Well what do you use for your Christmas tree; paper or plastic? Err, I mean real or plastic?

Sometimes All You Need Is A Pet To Play With

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I know I don’t have to tell you all it is the season to be jolly. I am sure you are all very well aware of what season it is. If you aren’t being bombarded by snow, you are drowning in cold rain. It just stopped raining here yesterday.

Arthritis is a pain but, the colder it is the worse it hurts; so I am not a fan of the cold. I am also not a fan of the snow. If I wanted to be trapped in a building surrounded by impenetrable piles of snow, I would still live in Michigan.

As if it were yesterday, I remember those horrid Michigan winters. Snow up to the windows, ice on the steps awaiting for just the right moment to strike, and using a snow plow just to get to your car door. Yes, you can say that a Michigan winter is a lot like the North Pole except, the fat people aren’t as jolly, the elves don’t make toys, and we all know what happens if you get lost in Detroit.

Luckily for me Missouri, likes to live up to its name and only snows when the season doesn’t call for it. It also likes to destroy all plans you have to celebrate the holidays by tossing in a tornado out of the blue. I am convinced that if 2012 is to be the destruction of all people it will begin in Missouri and spread out.

There is no doubt in my mind that a tornado, flood, and hail storm will combine at the same time in an off-season and blow the Arch right into the Mississippi River causing a gigantic vacuüm whirlpool effect and suck the entire surrounding states into the middle of it and drop everything off right smack dab in Mexico. Olé!

Umm NO, I have not been smoking Frankincense again but, I did have a bite of a Golden Myrrh sandwich. It was gooood. I realize that my idea seems far-fetched but, I have lived in this state long enough to know that if you plan something, it will get disrupted. So I am planning mass destruction and will laugh the day after when it doesn’t happen. If by some chance it does happen, remember you read it here first. Shit, if Harold Camping can keep moaning about the end of days than I sure as Hell can too.

Now you may ask me what does all of this have to do with Christmas and/or needing a pet… well… I got nothing! I knew I needed a new post and that it should be somewhat uplifting, so this is what I came up with. Not impressed? Ok, you don’t have to enjoy what I am saying but, you can sit and enjoy the Hamster that I have embedded in this post just for you. Go ahead see if you can walk away and not play with the Hamster. “HAHA…Jen, you are brilliant!” Why yes, yes I am!!!

Birthday Reflection

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When I sat down and wrote the poem ‘Nobody’s Birthday’ all I could think was how my birthday has sucked since 1997 when my husband decided it would be a “great” idea for us to wed that day.

 

In an emotional fit of jealousy and anger he had finally realized that calling me his wife for 3 years before we were actually married was not the brightest idea… only because I was getting more and more aggravated with it. I figured if I was to be strapped with the title of wife I should at least have the document proving it.

Albert Wenzell- The Marriage Proposal

You see when my husband and I were merely boyfriend and girlfriend he fell in love and proposed, I obviously wasn’t against it because I said yes and of course I loved him too.

 

The date he chose for us to get married was February 14th, 1996, a year and 5 months after we had begun dating. In February of 1995, we found out we were expecting and I guess that might have been the moment when things started falling apart…it was in my screwed up head anyway.

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You see I had this idea of how a relationship and love should be; funny because I didn’t exactly grow up around any stable loving relationships in my life, so where I got that idea from I will never know… maybe it was The Brady Bunch or The Cosby Show.

For years I have held it against him that we never got married on the day we were suppose to and as the world will tell you… Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned and I was scorned. It always made me madmade me furious that he chose not to marry me on that date simply because of a few words my callous father had said about him… “He’s only marrying you to get his papers.” Which was a fabrication that he had created in his own mind, for my husband already had papers 7 years before even knowing me. So not only was that comment a lie and unnecessary it was clearly meant to hurt me and my relationship.

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But, every month that passed that I was not married I was told the most horrendous things by people who claimed to love me because I was an unwed mother.

 

You just have to love family whose ideas and warped sense of love taints perfectly loving relationships. I loved him and he loved me, we were faithful and raising our daughter together as a married couple…what more could a piece of paper give us?!

Those depraved mental games eventually infected my brain, as I began to wonder why we were still not married 3 years after our relationship began. So in a last dire attempt to rescue what was left of our relationship he married me, on my birthday. He was drunk out of his mind and couldn’t repeat the vows; I was angry in every one of our wedding pictures and was trying to hold back impending tears. It was the beginning of me dreading my birthday.

Year after year passed and more than not I would end the day upset and in tears because it seemed like nobody cared that it was my “special” day. No gifts, no cards, occasionally a cake and a happy birthday. The kids would do their best to make up for my sadness by showering me with several homemade cards and as much as I loved them it just never felt like enough. Call me selfish but, I wanted to be appreciated and pampered just for that one day.

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There came a point when not only was it my birthday that went uncelebrated but, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day and Christmas too. Now instead of hating just my birthday I began hating the entire year; day after day, month after month, year after year. My husband would always say, “It’s just another day.” God, how I hated hearing that!!!

Then this year as my birthday approached; I became melancholy just like I do every year, knowing it wouldn’t be any different. We were still struggling with extra money and as usual I would get the short end of the stick; that’s where my poem came in to play.

Instead something happened…something magical and unexpected. It occurred to me that this year was different from all the other years because I WAS DIFFERENT. I had accomplished many things this year that I didn’t even know I wanted to carry out until they happened. Clearly my mind was holding a secret that my heart hadn’t uncovered until a few days before my birthday. Nobody’s Birthdayis a sad, depressing poem but, it unlocked my ability to see what truly mattered this year…my life; every single day of it not just the one day that comes and goes.

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I am a mom, a writer and a friend and every day of my life I show exceptional love, kindness and understanding towards my friends, family and fellow writers. Some may not have seen that and that’s ok because frankly they hadn’t seen anything I have said or accomplished in quite some time now. I have made leaps and bounds in my personal life as well as my professional life in 5 short months; my hard work was finally paying off and that my dear readers is something I never expected to see this year.

Needless to say, I had a great birthday because instead of expecting others to celebrate me… I celebrated me, something I have never done in my entire 36 years of life. I am proud of myself.

Isn’t it wonderful when you finally appreciate yourself for who you are and what you’ve accomplished? Did you find out something about yourself this year? Are you proud of who you’ve become?

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas Parody

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Note: This poem was written on AllPoetry for a contest on December, 17, 2010 about Ho’s obviously because it was Christmas time. LOL Oh and it won 2nd place in the contest.
Not suitable for children!

 

‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the street
the hookers were sucking
and beating off meat.

The spouses of John’s
were wrapping up gifts
while their husbands were frolicking
and getting quite stiff.

The sounds of their moaning
filled the star laden skies
then rocking of cars
as the ho’s opened their thighs.

The scene was so merry
oh how they all played
til a man ran off
and a ho didn’t get paid.

What was she to do
this all felt so wrong
so she whistled for her pimp
while still holding her thong.

The pimp held his hat
and he ran after the man
when he finally caught up
he drew back his hand.

He snapped his hand forward
like a whip when it cracks
and proceeded to give
the man multiple smacks.

The man began crying
with such a release
that nobody heard the sirens
of the oncoming police.

The pimp gave a whistle
shouted out ho ho ho
thanked the man for his business
and said “Bitches let’s go.”

Now the pimp is more careful
of Christmas Eve deals
he now uses hotels
instead of hookers on wheels.

Now kiddies I tell you
listen up and believe
you shouldn’t go out hoeing
on the night of Christmas Eve.

Save the hoeing for Santa
because he really is good
just ask his mentor
the great Tiger Woods.