Changing Expectations

expectationIt has been a long while since I have posted on my blog, 8 months to be precise. When I chose to take a hiatus from writing, I had a few good reasons. Ok, I had a few horrible excuses.

One of those horrible excuses being… I was distraught. I was disappointed by all the work I had put in to my writing and not scoring a job. What did I expect? A job…with money coming in…paid bills…recognition. It is what every writer expects.

As the months went by and my life took every single U-turn, side road, and dark dirty alley that it could find. I found out several things about myself and other people. I never imagined that I had high expectations. Hell, compared to most people I’ve ever known in my life; my expectations were damn near invisible. But, there they were, in their obnoxiously repugnant glory.

I expected friends to be friends. Friends like I am with people. It never occurred to me that some people have a different view and belief about the meaning of friendship. Facebook taught me that many people don’t even consider strangers to be their friends. That was an alien concept to me. Because a friend can be anyone, and some of the bestest friends you may ever have will turn out to be that unlikely one. The person that you didn’t even think you needed, the shy one in the corner with an occasional glimmer of fun times and tomfoolery. The one who picks you up so you both can stalk their ex in low-cut tops at a bar while he is on a date with some insignificant hussie… YES>>>that one!People

Friends are friends are friends. Until they aren’t…and trust me, lately, I’ve found that many that I thought were…weren’t! The reasons given for breaking a long-standing friendship were asinine, to say the least. Well they were to me anyway. Because, as I said, friends are friends are friends. They are similar to a marriage, without all the fighting. Nothing can get between two friends…or so I believed. But, as with many things in my life…I got educated quickly and painfully on the subject of true friendship.

It seems to me, that when I was a lowly nobody…let me clarify that. When I believed that I was a lowly nobody, I had friends that stuck beside me no matter what. However, when I started believing that I was somebody and even worse, when I began telling them that they are somebody and could do better…well, that was the end of that friendship. This happened repeatedly. Something was clearly wrong here.

The thing about changing, growing, and becoming a better human being, is that it is a lonely road… it is a path that one can only travel alone. You cannot take anyone with you, even though you desperately want to. People cannot be forced into changing. No matter how much you shove your opinion down their throat…I am guilty of that. No matter how many inspirational/motivational photos you share on Facebook…I have done that. No matter how much you try to make them see that the only people who can make them happy are themselves. No matter the extent in which you try to convince them that they are hurting themselves and everyone around them as well. No…you cannot force anyone into changing!

But…I could change me, and I did. I changed how I viewed friends and how to distinguish between real and fake friends. I changed how I allowed others in my life…positive in, negative out. However, the most important change was about expectations. I didn’t lower them and I surely didn’t raise them. I got rid of them entirely. Expecting others to be someone they weren’t or in most cases, couldn’t be was what I had bitched about them doing to me. They were expecting me to shut the hell up and I was expecting them to speak up. They were expecting me to stay the same and I was expecting them to grow up. It was becoming a vicious cycle of why can’t you be more like me and less like you. What the hell? Who had I let myself become?!

I was always angry, sad, depressed, and worried because of the expectations that I had of other people. All of which had nothing to do with me really and everything to do with them. I wanted them to change and become people of their word. They weren’t that. They couldn’t be that. It was an alien concept to them. If only I had let them be who they are.

But, in that lies the problem. Not everyone is supposed to stay in your life. It is just not possible to keep people in your life who no longer mesh with you. I am not saying they ALL have to mesh, that would be boring and nobody could grow that way. However, some people are just too low on the rung of the ladder of life to notice anymore. Not that I am calling them lowly nobodies…because I’m not. I am just saying as you make your climb up the ladder you do not keep looking down and expect to keep going up. You would fall off the ladder and then where would you be? At the bottom, on your back, looking at where you use to be and having to work even harder to get a portion of the way back up there. Nobody wants to fall off the ladder of life…NOBODY!

So release your expectations of other people. Let them be who they are and you be who you are… And if it’s bad for your well-being, then stop looking down the ladder and let them “fall” out of view. You will be happier and they will be happier, the universe will once again be in balance.Happiness

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Get To Know Me

 

Copyright: InJensMind 8/16/2012

There have been many people lately, who have expressed an interest in getting to know me better. So yesterday on Facebook, I announced that I will be doing a special blog post. In the post, I will be disclosing the things that you all really want to know about.  Anything that you’d like to know about me, now is the time to ask.

Here’s how you will be involved:

  1. You are allowed to ask me up to 3 questions. These questions can be personal or about my writing, you choose.
  2. I will be connecting your questions with your names, social networks, and blog url’s. Please include all the links you would like promoted in with your question.

This is an excellent and free opportunity for you to get to know me and to promote your blog, YouTube channel, fanpages, etc…

If by chance you are more of a shy type and really want to ask something but, you don’t want the world-wide web to know it was you who asked, simply tell me when you send me your question and your name will be withheld.

Now for the details:

  • You can contact me via Facebook, just send me a private message. (you can do this without being my friend if you’d like) Click here.
  • Or you can email me directly at injensmind@gmail.com
  • Or even still, you can use the contact button on my Facebook fanpage.

 

All that I ask for in exchange is, if you participate in this by asking a question, that you go and “like” my Facebook page, For Jen’s Sake. That way you will be notified when I answer your question. Simple enough, huh…

I look forward to all of your questions and hope you all have a wonderful and blessed weekend.

 

The ‘Moment’ Between Life And Death

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A Friday ritual. A single photo — no words — capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by the Wee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to others by Sarah-Jane, of Almost There.

I was asked to participate in this by Anna Sides, of The Other Side of Anna and the other great blogging members of the Facebook group Blogplicity.

If you find yourself touched by a moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

Copyright- InJensMind

For Jens Sake and Blognostics Joining Forces For Pinktober

As most of you should know by now, October (Pinktober) is Breast Cancer Awareness month.

I support it every year and this year it holds even more significance than it did in previous years.

In February of this year, my younger sister was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer and three days later she died. So of course that makes me more active in Breast Cancer Awareness, not just because I have lost my sister to it but, because I truly understand how the unthinkable can hit and penetrate your seemingly perfect life. After her death and I could finally face the world again, I started connecting with Breast Cancer battler’s (this just means that they are still battling this heinous disease.) and survivors.

My heart goes out to every one of them even though my sister never even had a chance to battle the beast. I have set up a challenge on Facebook as an event and would greatly appreciate if you would join and pass it on. If I have learned anything in this past few months is that life is more precious than you could ever possibly imagine.

Facebook Events Basics:

I would like all of you who join the event to have something pink visible on your person all month-long in October. The details are on the event so please check that out and join in on spreading more awareness for this horrific disease. Thank you.

Now for the exciting blogger’s news:

I was asked to be a Breast Cancer Awareness Spokeswoman for Blognostics, this site is a new site and was created by bloggers for bloggers. They will be running a contest for Breast Cancer Awareness that will begin on Oct. 1 and go through Oct.31, 2011.

Blognostics Contest Details:

Tell a story about how Breast Cancer has affected you and/or the person diagnosed, also how it has changed your life and/or theirs for better or worse. The story can be your own personal story, a friend, or a family member. It does have to be someone who you know personally, even if it’s just someone you know from a social network. But, they do have to be someone you have personal contact with.

Blognostics will also be asking for donations in the amounts of $1, $5, $10 or more to be donated to the organization that the 1st place winner chooses out of the four that Blognostics has available. Consider the donation to be not only useful for the organization and the people they help but, also a small contest entry fee. Donate what you can!

This contest is open to all bloggers. The only thing that you have to do is be a member of Blognostics, and to be a member you must have a blog. If you would like to take part please go to the site and make your account.

Here is what you will be doing:

-If your blog is a writing one than you will write a story, fiction not accepted (sorry but we want real life stories only), about the person that you have chosen. Tell us their/your story of being afflicted with Breast Cancer and how it has changed them and/or you.

-If you are a poet you can write a poem about the person you have chosen.

-If you are a photographer you can tell the story with photos. Use a photo of the person and whatever other photos you feel tell the story of how their having Breast Cancer affected you. You can write a story as well but, your main goal is to tell it with photos.

-If you are an artist who draws or paints, you will be submitting your original work of art that is either the person themselves or your interpretation of Breast Cancer. Please write something about the art piece so we can understand fully the meaning of it.

Please Include:

All contest entries should include the date when the person was diagnosed, how they battled it, if they are still battling or are now in remission, how many times they have battled it, any organization that they went through for help, and if they died, (R.I.P.) the day their suffering ended.

Prizes:

Blognostics is offering 3 prizes; 1st place, 2nd place, and 3rd place. All which include small ad space for a month on their site. 1st place winners will receive the honor of choosing the Breast Cancer organization that will receive the donations and their name will also be on the check that is presented with all of the donations raised. 1st place winners will also receive a small banner on the Blognostics site to place their ad for one month.
All entries must be in by October 31, 2011 before midnight in your time zone. Blognostics will choose and notify the winners during the first week of November.

So what are you waiting for? Go sign up on Blogsnostics if you aren’t already a member and let’s raise awareness for Breast Cancer. Don’t forget to join the Facebook event as well. If you have any questions please ask me or the Blognostics team. Thank you and good luck.

 

Daily Challenge For Jens Sake

I have just signed up on a daily challenge site. It is very easy to sign-up, you just use your Facebook account. I read about this on Lifehacker and decided to check it out. So far I like what I see. Then again it is only Day 1.

I will be setting this up as a month of September blog challenge, so not only will I have to keep on the ball on Facebook but, also on For Jens Sake. If you would like to take part click the link and let’s connect. The more the merrier, I say. We can keep each other motivated. Let’s go!!!

Today’s Daily Challenge Thursday Sep. 01, 2011
Emotional Health
EVERYDAY WELL-BEING
Identify a problem that has been worrying you, then write it down and brainstorm 2 solutions.
How to do it
Write down one problem or issue that you are concerned about. Spend a few moments thinking of two solutions, and then write the solutions next to the problem. If there is one solution that seems stronger, circle it and think about how to implement it.

Why it matters
When we’re really worried about an issue, it’s easy to spend time over-thinking it. With too much thinking and too little action, people become stressed about a problem. Taking the action to brainstorm solutions and select one to potentially put into action lessens some of the stress created by the problem.

Fun Fact
The song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in 1988. It was the first a capella song to do so.

My Problem:
Money… (Isn’t that everyone’s problem these days? It’s my daughter’s Sweet 16 this year and she didn’t get a Quincenera last year so this year is the big celebration. Also major holidays are almost upon us and as always we have no money saved for gifts.)

-____-

Solution 1:
Win the poetry contest and get that $1000. (Ok, not technically a solution although, it would solve the problem. LOL Sorry, I cannot be serious 100% of the time.)

Solution 2:
Stop worrying about it… because every year we make out just fine when the holidays come.

I choose solution 2! You see… don’t be so serious and let worry consume you because in the end things have a way of working themselves out. If you don’t believe me see Why It Matters above!!!

Ok, it’s your turn. Join in on the Daily Challenge; Facebook it, Blog it, Live it, Love it!!!

Sunday’s Question Segment

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I am starting a new Sunday ritual on my blog. I think it would be fun to have my readers send in questions that you would like answered.

It will be like a Dear Abby column,only InJensMind style, so please send me a question.

You can do this via Facebook, G+, Twitter, a comment on this post, or email… it can be private or public, you can choose to be anonymous if you want, it can be true, made-up, or something you saw or heard someone say… Anything goes! Please make sure when you send in your question that you sign the bottom of it with the name you want to appear on the post.

To start it off, here is the first question.

“For Jens Sake, I have a question. As I was sitting in church listening to today’s sermon I tweeted Pastor Bob’s words to my followers. The words were so uplifting to me that I had to pass them on. Is it wrong of me to share the good Lord’s message on Twitter while church is in session?”
                                         -Tweeting For God

Dear Tweeting For God,
I can appreciate how much you want to help your followers by passing on a positive message. However, I don’t know if God or Pastor Bob will welcome what it is you are trying to do. There is etiquette that you must follow while using your cellphone in public places. Tweeting, texting or the use of any social network is not something that should be done in church. Yes, we are in a technological age but, it is disrespectful to not give your full attention to the pastor. If you are afraid that you may forget what was said and you feel it is imperative to share; write it down and spread the message after you leave God’s house.

                                            -InJensMind

Thank you for joining For Jens Sake and the new Sunday segment. Don’t forget to send in your questions each week by Saturday 11:59 pm Central time. You can find me on several social networks just look under the tab marked Find Me On or you can email me at injensmind@gmail.com Make sure you sign your question the way you want your name to appear in the post. Tune in every Sunday for new questions.

No Pictures Please

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I hate having my picture taken…hate hate HATE it!!! I am always behind the camera, snapping away at everyone I know. But, here I am looking at all these pictures; some in boxes, some in computer files, some in albums and some on Facebook.

Where the Hell are my family portraits? Where are the goofy pictures of me and my siblings as adults? Why do I not have one single picture of my grandmother and me? In fact where is the mother/daughter pictures of my mom and me or my daughter and me? Where is the picture of me standing on a chair so my son and I can be the same height? Where are the happy couple pictures of my husband and I???

 

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I’m scared to be photographed! I’m Native American Indian…pictures will steal my soul, I will never be able to reincarnate, the light bulb demon that lives in the flash will break free and take over the planet… I cannot be responsible for that.

 

 

Ok, that’s not the real reason but, it might as well be because my reasoning is as silly as that is. My ridiculous ass never thought to take pictures of my sister when I was in Vegas in 2007 and now all I have of her is childhood photos, her second wedding pictures that she gave me years ago and pictures of her with other people who are not me!! *Sigh*

Me 1993

Every time I see a camera, I scream like I’m 2 and hide…When the Hell did I start doing that? I was never frightened to put on a stupid face and be right smack dab in the middle of the picture. I was always doing something retarded looking with a huge smile on my face. When did I become the scary old hunchbacked recluse in the haunted house on the corner???

Oh, yes I remember… I got married, got fat and lost my smile. Yep, all excellent reasons to stay far away from a camera that will only amplify the horror of not being a happy person. It takes me 20 pictures before I find one that is worthy of Facebook let alone to be cherished forever by my family.

My husband has always been a busy man, so he is in very few pictures; yet he always has a huge smile and goofy face when there is a camera thrust upon him. Which just confirms that men are big kids and don’t stress half as much as we women do. But, I digress because this isn’t a slam men post it’s a Jenni, you dumbass post!!! *Facepalm*

The last family picture we had taken was when our daughter was born, she’s 15 now. My son and daughter have a picture together he was sleeping; a few years ago I took them to a place and got a free picture of the two of them. A few years ago, HA more like over 5 years ago. When they were in public school I always paid for picture packages. I take loads of pictures of my kids, those memories are priceless.

But, what if I died… what if I was in a coma… what if… My kids won’t have photos of their mom; just because I was too terrified to have any permanent reminder that showed my internal sadness or anger. There are no goofy smiles or a sparkle in my eye pictures for my kids to cherish.

 

 

Jess & I circa 92-93

Just like I have no pictures of my sister and me since we were teens in High School. How depressing is that?

 

 

I don’t even own a camera; with cellphones coming equipped with them, I figured why spend money on something I don’t need… just shoot me now!!!

I am going to buy my first digital camera in the next week or two and I will give it to my daughter. She wants to try photography anyway. Looks like I am going to have to suffer and just let unflattering pictures of me be flaunted. I am already shaking at the thought but, I can’t allow my family to feel the guilt I do, when an unexpected death happens and you look at photo albums then realize all the memories in your aging brain never got saved.

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Put Your Lights On For Caylee

R.I.P. Caylee Anthony

Unless you have been living under a rock like the men in the Geico commercial, you have heard that Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murdering her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee, today. I don’t want to go into details or throw my opinion all up in people’s faces because the fact of the matter is anger, hate and death threats against Casey will not bring back little Caylee and she is what is most important in this whole monstrous ordeal.

What I do want to do though is spread awareness for this event that is on Facebook Porch lights on for Caylee Marie Anthony.  I want the world to take a minute out of their busy lives and acknowledge that this child died in a horrendous way and turn on your porch lights from 9 Pm-6 Am in whatever time zone you are in.  It’s the least we can do to honor the short life she had on Earth.

I also want to say that it is time that we educate our own children and let them know that whatever your beliefs may be… Murder should NEVER be used as a form of birth control.  No child should be brought into this world just for a couple of years and then their parent gets bored and wished they had just got a puppy instead so they kill their child. I have said it before and I will say it again…. PROTECT THE CHILDREN!

No matter if you think Casey was guilty or not she was found by the judicial system to be not guilty so let’s focus on the truly important thing here…. the child who was sacrificed for a Bella Vita.

Also you can sign the petition to create Caylee’s Law.

Please click on the Facebook link, join the event and don’t forget to Put Your Lights On for Caylee Marie Anthony.

Facebook Uniting To Remove Child Pornography

Protect the children Stop child pornography on Facebook

UPDATE: THE PAGE WITH CHILD PORNOGRAPHY ON IT WAS REMOVED LATE IN THE EVENING ON JUNE 25, 2011. THANK YOU TO ALL WHO REPORTED AND JOINED THE EVENT TO HELP REMOVE THE PAGE FROM FACEBOOK.

If you all recall back in December of 2010, Facebook came together and users changed their avatars to children’s cartoons in an effort to raise awareness about child abuse. I wrote about it and you can find it here.

Well Facebook has joined hands and raised voices in an attempt to provoke awareness again; only this time it’s about a page called Love Boys, this page has child pornography on it. This page was brought to my attention by a friend of mine on Facebook this morning. It sickens me that this page has been up for two weeks and has been reported over 700 times today alone. Please be aware the images are grotesque so do NOT click on them but, do REPORT the page.

A truly remarkable person has made an event in order to show Facebook that we are sick and tired of administrators not doing their job and removing this disgusting page and filing charges against the person who made the page. Please visit the event, Petition Against Child Pornography Sites on FB and click attend. Invite your friends and spread the word that WE DO NOT SUPPORT  this perversion on Facebook.

It’s bad enough that children are abused but, to see Facebook not remove this page is outrageous and we need to stand up for victims of such heinous acts. It’s time for us to do right by all children and come together as concerned citizens. Facebook should be removing this filth immediately upon reporting!!!

As for you Mark Zuckerberg… You have said you want Facebook to be allowed to have children younger than 13 years old to enjoy your site. Do you think that this is appropriate when you and your team cannot even remove child pornography from your site? This page has been reported more than 700 times since this morning, what exactly do you pay your team for? Does nobody monitor Facebook on weekends? And please do explain to me why this page has been up for 2 weeks and I am positive it’s been reported prior to today, yet there it sits in all its horrendousness. So tell us Mr. Zuckerberg, do you not think child pornography is something that should be taken seriously or is it no longer your problem now that you are a millionaire?

So Mr. Zuckerberg when will you remove the child pornography from your site?

Thank you to all of the people spreading the world and reporting Love Boys. Don’t give up our voices WILL be heard one way or another. Children are NOT sexual objects!!!! JOIN THE MOVEMENT AND STOP CHILD PORNOGRAPHY ON FACEBOOK NOW!!! 

The Days on Gary Ct.

Gary Ct. Google Maps

Some days I sit and see the connection friends have amongst themselves and I long for the days when I was surrounded by good friends. It’s inevitable; people, move on and friendships fall apart, not because of choice but, because we all become so busy with other things that we no longer find time to visit or call. Some of us will try and find time to at least comment on a friend’s Facebook status before getting swept back up in the tediousness of our lives. Continue reading