I’ll Have The Living My Life: Hold The Fun

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I don’t remember time ever flying by so fast in my life but, this month has flown.

I wanted to get so much more done for Breast Cancer Awareness than I actually did. Isn’t that how life works though? It keeps right on flying by while you are trying to savor a moment or two.
I learnt a long time ago to slow down and let life flow naturally. My natural flow is faster than some and slower than some but, it suits me just fine. At least I thought it did anyway.

After Jess died, I knew what I wanted to do with the remaining years of my life and dove head first into it. When I found that lump in my breast; I climbed out of the water, wrapped myself in a towel and sat waiting under a giant umbrella. It was during that ordeal and the mammogram, that I realized life was moving at warp speed around me and I was just sitting there on hold again.
How did I wake up one day to teenagers? Why has my life with them been great but, not what I wanted for them? Are they too old now for me to make it all up to them? And for the love of monkeys, when will I be able to afford to do the things I have always wanted to do with them?

A lot of people would like to step into a time machine and go back in life and fix things. I want to freeze time. I want to stop the kids from getting any older until I have done all the things that a mother should do with her kids… Disneyland, vacations, spa days, shopping, Six Flags, road trips, family reunions, Zoo’s, Festivals, etc… Time is flying by and these things have been on hold. Why on Earth are they on hold? Because money, although made of paper, does not grow on trees. That statement was a wee bit too cliché for me, I am most definitely above that but, it is true nonetheless.

I grew up in the fiery depths of Hell and still managed to do a few of those things as a child. Does that make me a bad mother? They say, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” (Yes, again… another common, beneath me cliché) Well, my intentions have always been good and I swear… I have been a good person (yes, I know… famous last words of a psychopathic serial cannibal) most if not all of my life. Have I been a Saint? Well, no, who is? Should I fear the day my children are grown and scream at me that I “f@cked up” their lives? I don’t know! What I do know is, that in an effort to protect them from the nastiness of the world I have also managed to teach them a rather common and painful lesson… People with no money, live life on hold.

My kids understand that bills come before all else, it is the way life is for everyone, except those in constant debt I imagine. But, how do you explain to your kids/teens/young adults that no matter how much work you do you will never have quite enough money to enjoy life? Now, I’m not saying I don’t enjoy life because I do. I enjoy life over death, health over illness, and having happy kids over sad ones.

Ok, maybe I should rephrase that question… How do I explain to myself (at 36 years old) that no matter how much my husband works or how hard I try to get a writing gig, we will never have enough money to be a “vacation” family? I guess we are just one of those families who despite our good intentions, good deeds, or perfect Karmic standing, this life will always be below average. I don’t know if my kids are disappointed by this life, I do know that I am to an extent and I know they are when I have to say, “Sorry I don’t have money for that.” That happens way more than I ever expected.

I need some Karmic relief in my life. How long exactly, does it take to see Karma seeds grow into a fruitful tree? I could have sworn I used Miracle Grow on those puppies but, alas nothing. Just another wasted tactic, another get-rich scheme, another typical day in the life of an atypical yet broke mom. Ok back to being on hold, thank goodness for call waiting!

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By the way, I do know this isn’t a Breast Cancer Awareness post per se . I figured I would shake things up a bit by showing how life has a way of screwing with your plans, which is exactly what an illness does. There is a week left for the Facebook event and to get in your B.C.A. posts on Blognostics. Please make sure you do that and I will be asking for everyone’s links shortly to link to my final Pinktober post next week.

 

Daily Challenge For Jens Sake

I have just signed up on a daily challenge site. It is very easy to sign-up, you just use your Facebook account. I read about this on Lifehacker and decided to check it out. So far I like what I see. Then again it is only Day 1.

I will be setting this up as a month of September blog challenge, so not only will I have to keep on the ball on Facebook but, also on For Jens Sake. If you would like to take part click the link and let’s connect. The more the merrier, I say. We can keep each other motivated. Let’s go!!!

Today’s Daily Challenge Thursday Sep. 01, 2011
Emotional Health
EVERYDAY WELL-BEING
Identify a problem that has been worrying you, then write it down and brainstorm 2 solutions.
How to do it
Write down one problem or issue that you are concerned about. Spend a few moments thinking of two solutions, and then write the solutions next to the problem. If there is one solution that seems stronger, circle it and think about how to implement it.

Why it matters
When we’re really worried about an issue, it’s easy to spend time over-thinking it. With too much thinking and too little action, people become stressed about a problem. Taking the action to brainstorm solutions and select one to potentially put into action lessens some of the stress created by the problem.

Fun Fact
The song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in 1988. It was the first a capella song to do so.

My Problem:
Money… (Isn’t that everyone’s problem these days? It’s my daughter’s Sweet 16 this year and she didn’t get a Quincenera last year so this year is the big celebration. Also major holidays are almost upon us and as always we have no money saved for gifts.)

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Solution 1:
Win the poetry contest and get that $1000. (Ok, not technically a solution although, it would solve the problem. LOL Sorry, I cannot be serious 100% of the time.)

Solution 2:
Stop worrying about it… because every year we make out just fine when the holidays come.

I choose solution 2! You see… don’t be so serious and let worry consume you because in the end things have a way of working themselves out. If you don’t believe me see Why It Matters above!!!

Ok, it’s your turn. Join in on the Daily Challenge; Facebook it, Blog it, Live it, Love it!!!