The Busy Blogger’s Biggest Issue Resolved By The Broad With The Big Brain

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The biggest issue in the blogging community is not necessarily what you would think it is. Although many bloggers do have difficulty at times with writer’s block, this is not usually their biggest problem.

The biggest issue among bloggers, is finding the spare time to read their fellow bloggers posts. If you are anything like me, you find yourself reading posts from the moment you log online until the moment you finally shut down to go to sleep. It’s a daily occurrence in your life and god forbid you miss a day or even a week. Then you find yourself so far behind that you become too overwhelmed to even care anymore, especially when many bloggers post every single day. How on Earth do you keep up with all that?

If only there was a way to visit all of those posts and more in a shorter period without being stuck on one blog until you were done reading every single word on the page. If only you could listen to the posts while doing other things? “Why didn’t the blogger make this a podcast?” you shout through the darkness of your quiet home. “I’m too tired to keep going, I will catch up tomorrow.” You say innocently enough, but alas tomorrow’s catching up never comes.

Well, hmm, what if I told you that there is a very simple way for you to visit those posts and not have to read one single word of it…. *GASP* You mean? Yes, dear reader, I have stumbled upon something that is going to help you break free from the repetitive, just going through the motions, someone save my eyesight from this constant reading way of life.

Can I get a drum roll please?
Meet SoundGecko:

“A text-to-audio transcribing service that lets you enjoy written content from around the web on the go without distraction. Be free from screens as you listen to articles by simply sending an email or pressing a button in your browser.”

SoundGecko homepage

And my dear readers, it is FREE. Yes, you read that correctly…free. You don’t have to sign up for anything if you don’t want to. You just go to the site and paste in the URL of the site you wish to listen to, type in your email and if a few minutes you will receive an email. In the email will be a link that you click to listen to the post. (See photo below) If you do decide to sign up for an account, there are more things you can do with the site.

Of course the voice that reads to you could very well put you to sleep; it’s not an operatic melody of flowing vernacular, mind you. It’s more of a mundane monotone version of a bad 1950’s robot movie. However, it is understandable and it’s fairly error free.

In my test of the product, (of course I tested it. I would never suggest anything to anyone without trying it first for myself.) I read along on my blog post as I was listening to it. The post I tested it on had the word url and of course, the voice reading didn’t recognize it so he said “youearl”. That made me chuckle! He also included the “Copyright InJensMind” that I put under my photos. And he read the ending where my share buttons are, “It’s not absurd to spread the word.” That was nice because it sort of reminded me I should share the post that I enjoyed so much. (Clearly I enjoyed it, I wrote it. LOL) Also he said “Like” and how many likes I received on said post. Not a big deal really, in my opinion.  Click here to hear the post I tested it out on.

Copyright InJensMind This is what the email from SoundGecko looks like.

I look forward to more from this company. I was impressed at how easy and much faster it was than reading alone. Because I usually have 10 or more tabs open and any time one of them flashes with a message or makes a sound, my ADHD kicks in and my fingers have clicked on another tab before my brain can tell it to stop and finish reading the post. Now I can gallivant all over the net and still hear the post. Amazing, right? Imagine the things you could be doing while listening to a post instead of staring with weary eyes at the computer screen… the possibilities are endless.

I almost expected it to read my comments as well. It didn’t. I think that would be a nice addition though, that way you could join in the conversation if you like and already know what others have asked or said. Which would keep you from looking redundant or too busy to read comments on top of the 2000+ word article. And since most blog readers don’t comment anyway, not having the ability to comment directly without returning to the post isn’t a huge problem. At least it isn’t for me. I’d much rather get zero comments than to get a bunch of quick not thought out, “I don’t know what to say” or “This was a great post” or “ Click here for the latest Viagra tablets at 75% off” comments. Those type of comments almost make you wonder why you bother to spend so much time thinking, typing, and editing your post if they don’t have anything outstanding and meaningful to add to it. Then you remember you do this for you and not for them, which brings you right back to lack of comments not really being an issue.

SoundGecko gets my approval, will it get yours? Try it out now and let me know what you think.

Don’t forget to “like” them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. Or me for that matter, add me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter, you can find my links in the tabs or sidebar.

Comparison: The Thief of Joy? (Blog Hop)

Welcome to the Blog Hop Comparison: Thief of Joy? where bloggers from all over the world are invited to share their ideas about Theodore Roosvelt’s quote:

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Do you agree of disagree with Teddy’s POV? Please share your unique perspective.

There are 3 easy steps to join the Blog Hop:

1. Follow the instructions for submitting your entry using the Linky provided below – remember to copy and paste the link to your specific ‘comparison’ post, not just your blog, into the Linky.

2. Copy and paste the following announcement (with links) into the intro to your blog post:
Linking in to the Comparison Blog Hop on Dangerous Linda and Everyday Gyaan.

3. Be sure to read and comment on other bloggers’ posts in the hop. It’s a great way to get to know each other and expand our cyber-community of awesome writers and thinkers.

I already wrote a bit about comparison before if you'd like to check it out.

When Corinne asked me to “Hop On” this blog hop I was in no position to do such. I was faced with a quandary, I had no internet. Even though I was completely content to be net-free (partially because I wasn’t without internet completely due to my smartphone) I was slightly bummed to not be able to participate in this hop. You may ask me what is so special about this hop… well, hopping is great exercise for one and two, you have a question where there is several ways for you to answer it and there’s no right or wrong way to do so. I, for one, enjoy conversing with my peers… even if we don’t always agree.

I made it my mission to find a way to get internet service on, so that I could read all the somebunnies that hopped onto this great conversation. (Don’t act like you didn’t know that was coming.) I read each one as my mind reeled with the words of many different bloggers. I asked myself over and over if I agreed or disagreed with what they were saying. Then, because I am one of those people who are just plain out there, I found myself coming up with a whole ‘nother way to look at this. And because you know me you know not only will I not disappoint but, it will be long-winded. *Pops my shirt collar*

The first thought running through my head was to pick a few quotes from good ol Teddy Roosevelt to show you how the man was not such a great person to be quoting. Although he meant well, he was (In my opinion. Like there is any other kind on my blog.) arrogant, hypocritical, and a wee bit of a nutcase. (Then again aren’t we all?) No, I didn’t read up on his life and no I don’t remember crap from history class in school. I found out through my life that the last place you should learn about history is in a classroom. Yes, I know I am being judgmental here and yes, I realize I am talking about a former president. (Don’t act like none of you talk shit about any of our President’s… May I remind you, Bush… And some of you with Obama.) Anyway, I spent over an hour reading quotes by Theodore Roosevelt and the weirdest thing about it was how full of himself he was… (not unlike me and my previous egotistical remarks.)

For instance,

I am only an average man but, by George, I work harder at it than the average man.-Theodore Roosevelt

If I am not mistaken not only is he telling you how great he thinks he is but, he is comparing himself with others. Hmm, that’s weird. Didn’t he say “Comparison is the thief of joy”? I wonder if he was joyless when he said that. I also wonder if he made a habit of insulting other people by saying he was better than them. (Unlike my saintly self just did while judging him. *wink*)

Another thing I noticed about our wonderful former president is that he also thought violence was the answer.

For instance,

 Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.-Theodore Roosevelt

Does this mean that if what we are saying isn’t met with understanding and total acceptance, we should beat someone over the head? Am I reading this wrong? Someone help me out here please because that quote in particular scares me. My whole life I have been taught violence isn’t the answer. (even though my childhood was very violent) I can’t take a man seriously who believes in scaring someone with the size of his tool. (Take that any way you like it.)

There are many other things Theodore Roosevelt said that bother me too. But, those are discussions for another time otherwise I am going to take up much more of your time than you or I intended.

Now back to the quote at hand. “Comparison is the thief of joy” written by… hold up, wait, what… How come when I searched Theodore Roosevelt’s quotes on Brainy Quote I didn’t see this quote? Isn’t this one of his most popular quotes? Let me check. *Runs Google search* Wait, WHAT?!?! Who is Dwight Edwards and why is he also getting credit on some sites for this exact same quote? So who said it? Your guess is as good as mine. I am inclined to think that chances are this quote was from someone else who clearly wasn’t popular enough to be acknowledged as the owner. Sound familiar? As a writer, poet, blogger it should sound familiar to you. This brings me to part two of how I was going to handle this blog hop. By sharing with you all the ever so popular meme of Abraham Lincoln…

The problem with internet quotes is that you can’t always depend on their accuracy.-Abraham Lincoln 1864

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Isn’t that hysterical? That is one of my favorite “quotes” of all time. Haha. You see I made up my mind a long time ago to not go around and post quote after quote after quote on my social networks. I also don’t go around quoting people in my offline conversations either. I have on several occasions been quoted though. I have no problem with quoting “famous” people or even us “not even close to famous” people. I have a problem with it if that’s all you bring to a conversation though. I am anti-sheeple. I love uniqueness, open-mindedness, and people who speak about what they feel not what they are told they should feel or say. Sounds kind of like me, huh… I like to see what a person really thinks, their reactions, and their intelligence. But, most of all I like to get to know someone through their personal experiences and knowledge. I want to know how you live life and when faced with hardships how do you handle it.

Now of course I have been entertaining (per usual) and a rambler (also per usual) and still I haven’t given my answer about the question, “Comparison is the thief of joy?” My answer is NO, comparison is not a joy thief. It’s normal, natural, and every one does it whether they say they do or not. No matter how you feel about comparison, I tell you this… it’s perfectly fine to compare things, places, people, etc… The question my friends is not if it’s ok to compare, it’s are you comparing the right way? Are you comparing yourself to your surroundings to make you feel bad or to help you move into a more well-balanced state of being and self worth?

All of our relationships in life are based off of comparison. Whether we are dating or looking for friends, we all start with comparing our “likes” and “dislikes.” We compare every aspect of our life and we connect on a deeper level with those who have several likenesses to us. Opposites may attract but, being alike keeps us together. Now I don’t mean that we all should only like people that are similar to us, (God knows that would be insanely boring. Might as well carry on a relationship with yourself than you are always right no matter what.) I am saying that we CONNECT DEEPER with those who are more like us. We know where they are coming from, we understand them…there is an unspoken intimacy because of it.

I grew up in a home that compared me to everyone else, in a very negative way. And I do mean EVERYONE and VERY NEGATIVELY! My mom…”the whore/bitch”, my father… “the controlling leader of hell”, my sister… “the skinny one” “the pretty one” “the girly one” “why can’t you be an angel like your sister one”, my peers… “the athletes” “the sluts” “the skinny, pretty, blondes” “the dudes”  “the intelligent”…on and on and on. Even to this day my life is one huge comparison to this person and that person. I even compare myself to others at times but, again I say, there is nothing wrong with it. Because at the end of the day you have to know who you are and be secure with whomever you are. Let me share one more quote from someone who’s name was Roosevelt…

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.-Eleanor Roosevelt

If you compare yourself with someone and you feel bad about it afterwards,whose fault is that? Why would you continue to do something that makes you feel bad? Like I said there is a right way to compare and a wrong way to compare. For instance: I look at a magazine and see a blonde-haired woman wearing a dress. I have a few choices here… I can look at the magazine and instantly start beating myself up while comparing our differences or I can look for similarities. I can see that she is blonde and I am a brunette, so what are my choices… I can bleach my hair or I can be content with what I was born with. I can observe her dress and immediately hate my big chest because I will never be able to wear that kind of dress or I can find another dress that is made for my shape and be happy and beautiful the way I am. You see there is a negative way and a positive way. Some people take comparison too far by being nasty about it. Calling someone names is not how you should be living. So if you are comparing yourself to someone else and making them or yourself feel bad, knock it off! We, as a people, should be secure enough with who we are to want to uplift others. If you are dragging others down you are ultimately dragging yourself down with them. Grab a bucket youngster, the Titanic is sinking and there aren’t enough rowboats for everyone.

Despite the fact that I grew up and still have daily contact with people who compare me to others (negatively and/or positively), I have always stood up for who I am and what I believe in. Now, I’m not saying I’m right all the time but, I am 100% ME all the time! So go ahead and compare yourself to whomever you please, just remember to do it to help you become a better person, not a nasty one.

The First Year Deathaversary

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It’s hard to believe that it has already been a year since the passing of my younger sister, Jessica. A whole year! Time flies by when you are living, I guess.

It’s been a long and painful year, full of ups and downs. It’s also been a very enlightening and freeing year. Every day I wake up and give thanks to the Universe for helping me break free of so many unhealthy and one-sided friendships. Friendships I had clung to because I am just that kind of caring and loving friend. Friendships that I believed would be forever. I also give thanks, love, kisses and hugs daily to my children, husband, and pets. For without them I wouldn’t be able to function, even a fraction of what I do now. They are the glue that holds me together.

I have spent several of the last few weeks trying to prepare myself for this day. Some people may find it unhealthy to place so much emphasis on the anniversary of a loved one’s passing. I don’t. I find it perfectly normal to get your emotions, thoughts, and memories in order before the day hits. Then again, I’ve seen more death in my lifetime then most and at a younger age. This is why some of the things people say just knock me out cold. I mean do these people even know what it is to lose a sister? We’re not talking about comparison here. We’re not talking about who has suffered more. We’re talking about how someone can tell another person how to deal with something that they’ve never been through! It’s like saying that the pain of giving birth is nothing compared to menstrual cramps, yet you’ve never given birth. That’s like me telling someone who lost their mom to “get over it, it happened while she gave birth to you.” First of all, I’d never say that. One because I am just a caring, sympathetic person and that comment is one only an asshole would utter. Secondly, I’ve never lost a parent yet, knock on wood. So obviously I have never been close to that same situation. Lastly, just because you might not have known your mother doesn’t mean you have no connection to her. You have a connection that nobody else has with her. You have the connection of coming to life and growing inside her and you also have the guilt. Nobody wants to blame anyone but, Lord knows many a child has been shunned and abused by their father or family for “killing” their mother. It’s asinine and it sucks and well… people can just be irresponsible loudmouth jerks.

I don’t just mourn one day a year. I mourn throughout the year. A happy memory from my childhood could start out so wonderful and the more my mind remembers the bond we once shared the more painful it becomes… Then walks in the guilt, shame, regret, and the tears. Let’s not forget the tears that strike at any given moment. And usually, when this happens I become distant, as I try to remove the horrific pain from my soul. I revert to that scared little child looking for a place to hide from the monsters that were enclosing upon me. I don’t do it intentionally, it’s automatic, instantaneous, habitual, and it’s how I grew up without being more screwed up then I already am.

If you’ve never lost someone you know, count yourself lucky because it never is easy and won’t get any easier as you age either. It’s a painful thing to experience and even though you try and tell yourself that they are in a better place with no more pain, you can’t help but to question why you are left to carry the painful burden. Why do some people get out and some of us have to stay and experience more than our fair share of suffering? Outliving those you love has to be one of the most stressful things you could ever experience.

It reminds me of my grandma who has outlived all of her siblings. (She is the oldest of 4.) How excruciating it must be to have none of them left. To have no parents left. To only have your grown children, and grown grandchildren (1 of the 4 gone a year now), and great-grandchildren left. But, she doesn’t have all of them with her. All she has at this very moment is my mom. The rest of us are too far away and some of the great-grandkids don’t even know of her and may never know her. That is some very sad sad shit if you ask me. I know she puts on a brave face but, just as I know how much it hurts me, I know it hurts her a lot too. Death sucks bigtime!

So the next time a person decides to tell another person who they should care for, who they should mourn for, how long they should mourn, etc… Bite your damn tongue!

As the Cherokee Proverb goes:

“Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.”

Unfortunately, many people don’t understand this because they think it’s easy to just put on someone’s shoes and that’s that. So let me give you one more, so you really grasp what it is I am saying to you…

“You never really know a man until you understand things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Lee, Harper. To Kill a Mockingbird. J.B. Lippincott & Co., 1960

We all need time to handle our unresolved business. And nothing is more unresolved then a loved one who dies suddenly. Nothing can be resolved when you don’t get to say good-bye. There is no peace of mind when it comes to all the questions that will never be answered. There is no possible way to “just let it go and move on” when no one is held accountable.

If you want to help someone who is hurting, mourning, grieving, dying in mind, soul, and heart… send them your love. Send them your sympathy. Let them know that it even though she wasn’t your sister you hurt because you see your friend hurting. Check up on her and let her know she isn’t alone. That’s all you can do.

And trust me when I say, anything else that you might think is helpful but comes off asinine will be met with rudeness and anger. Do you want your friend to curse at you for being a jerk? No, you don’t! Keep in mind this little bit of information… Everyone dies eventually and there will come a time when death will strike in your home. Don’t be left alone without comfort from your friends because you thought they were taking too long to heal over their loss. You will find out soon enough that healing on the inside always takes longer than healing on the outside.

As for this day, well… it had its ups and downs. (Look for my favorite moment from today on Friday.) I cried a lot here and there. Wiped my tears, loved on my children, drank some wine, listened to The Beatles and John Lennon, burned meditation candles, stared at Buddha while the candles flickered, laughed a bit, cried some more, loved on all my friends who came to my side, and well… I got through the first year deathaversary of my sister, Jessica Rae.

And to my mom, grandma, grandpa, and brother…I love you more than there are stars in the heavens. Even if I don’t believe in a heaven per se… I believe that Jess is among the stars waiting for us. Right now all we can do is be the best people we can be while we are here. Forgive those who’ve wronged us… that hate is only hurting us, we don’t need more hurt. Love those who are still here… they need our love and we need theirs. “Love is the answer.”

May you all be safe, sound, and find the strength to be where I am at!

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A ‘Moment’ Of Your Time Please

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A Friday ritual. A single photo — no words — capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

“This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by the Wee Man adopted from SouleMama which was introduced to others by Sarah-Jane, of Almost There.

I was asked to participate in this by Anna Sides, of The Other Side of Anna and the other great blogging members of the Facebook group Blogplicity.

If you find yourself touched by a moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section.

COPYRIGHTED- InJensMind

Many websites are blacked out today to protest proposed U.S. legislation that threatens internet freedom: the Stop Internet Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA). From personal blogs to giants like WordPress and Wikipedia, sites all over the web — including this one — are asking you to help stop this dangerous legislation from being passed. Please watch the video below to learn how this legislation will affect internet freedom, then scroll down to take action.

YOU’VE GOTTA FIGHT… FOR YOUR RIGHT… OF FREE SPEECH!
STOP CENSORSHIP!!!

CLICK THE PHOTO OR THE STOP CENSORSHIP RIBBON IN THE CORNER OF THE BLOG AND TELL CONGRESS YOU DON’T LIKE IT AND WE’RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT!

Sunday’s Question Segment

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It’s been a couple of weeks since I have done a question segment. If you have kept up with this blog than you probably have a good idea how busy I have been. This week we have 3 questions from 3 fellow bloggers. I will link their blogs on their names so please check them out after you have read today’s segment of course. lol

As with every word posted in this blog the questions answered in this post are that of InJensMind. They are my opinions and are not intended to insult or offend anyone.

If you would like to have your question answered please contact me on any of the social networks you find listed on the Find Me On page at the top. You can be anonymous or use your name, it’s up to you. The deadline every week is Saturday 11:59 p.m. Central Standard Time.  Hope to answer your questions soon. Happy Sunday!

 

So we all have voices in our head, a constant inner conversation. Why do you think that is?
                                          -Ropcorn

Dear Ropcorn,

Our brains are very complex. There is so much going on in there that even scientists still don’t know everything about it and its entire purpose. Thoughts and memories fill most of our conscious mind. Our subconscious mind is just as full of these thoughts. A normal mind will have many reoccurring and new thoughts in a lifetime, because our brain is always trying to process what we’ve seen, heard, or thought. Unlike the voices heard in mental illness, these “conversations” are completely normal. It’s also completely normal to hear voices in our heads such as our own, the people we know or have heard on TV, movies, or radio, or even complete strangers we ran into for a second on the street.

When we are asleep, our dreams are our way of figuring out issues; so our brains constantly replay the events of our life that we need help with. This is the subconscious mind at work. While awake we are more attentive of the thoughts because it’s in the forefront of our minds; the conscious mind at work. I don’t think anyone will ever fully understand how our brains work or why we constantly talk to ourselves in our heads. I just see it as a normal thing that happens when we want answers. After all, we are curious by nature and it makes sense that we would constantly be in search of what we do not understand. Therefore our minds will never stop looking for those answers even if it’s just inside of our heads.
                                                      -InJensMind

 

 

 

I’ve a question, why is it that people who aren’t right, insist they are?
                                                         –Tbaoo

Dear Tbaoo,

The first thing to take into consideration is that a good number of people think they know everything. A lot of people believe they are right because they were taught by someone who thought they were right  who also were taught by someone that was wrong. For example, American History books teach us many things that were not accurately portrayed. Frankly, I blame a lot of racism on the fact that because other races and immigrants were not properly portrayed in the books; people actually believed what they were told. Nowadays with the internet and documentary’s we find out those things were wrong.

Some people will just admit their mistake and drop it, and then there are those who won’t. They’d rather keep arguing than to admit that something they have believed their whole lives was a lie. Pride and ego are a colossal determining factor when it comes to being right or wrong.

So here are the reasons why someone might insist they are right when they clearly are not. 1- They honestly believe what was taught to them is a fact so they don’t realize that they are wrong. 2- They know they are wrong but, refuse to give in; from either pride, ego, or their love of arguing. 3- They are set in their ways, overly opinionated, or just refuse to believe that anyone else could possibly know more than they do.
                                                        -InJensMind

 

 

 

Why do people insist on saying they have done 110% when it is mathematically impossible to go over 100% ??                                                          -Raising Amelie

Dear Raising Amelie,

The whole ideology behind giving more than what is mathematically possible; is that you are not only giving your all but, that you are going beyond that. In other words, you are giving or doing more than what is necessary to carry out the task. For example, 150% might mean your effort plus half of another’s effort. 200% would be double or two people’s worth of effort.

I think some people insist on saying it just because they want to emphasize that they didn’t give a portion but, that they gave more.                                                                                                                             –InJensMind

Sunday’s Question Segment

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This is the second installment of Sunday’s Question Segment, where you, the reader, write in and ask a question that you would like answered.

I am not a professional psychiatrist or a licensed doctor, these are just my sole opinions. The whole reasoning for this segment is for you to get a question answered, to build a great conversation, and for me to share a bit more of myself… my thoughts, feelings and opinions. I hope you enjoy these magnificent questions and hopefully I can answer them the way they truly deserve to be answered… with honesty, feeling, and insight.

We will continue this segment every week, so please feel free to send in questions in any number of ways that were listed in last week’s post. By all means, the answers in any of these question segments are not intended to offend anyone.

This week we have three questions so let’s get started. Our first post comes from Bornstoryteller and it is one hell of a question. Here’s hoping I don’t screw it up.

Why are we living in a world where we can’t pay attention to what is in front of us? How did we get here?
                                             -Bornstoryteller

Dear Bornstoryteller,
I think the reason we cannot pay attention to what’s in front of us has to do with short attention spans from technology. When I was a child we watched movies about the future. In these movies, the robots would take over humanity.

I think in some weird way that is what has happened. When you look around you today, you can see how technology has deteriorated what once was; manners, common sense, the ability to think and act on one’s own behalf, and the distortion of the English language.
Don’t get me wrong, technology has been very helpful to humanity but, it has also created a “need” for instant gratification and entitlement. I say “need” when it’s actually a want because of course we think we “need” it therefore, we keep upgrading everything in our lives to bigger, better, faster things.

Patience is becoming as extinct as a home phone. Nobody wants to wait around for something to happen, it needs to happen now or we get bored and just let it go or we don’t even see it in the first place. We have become a society that believes we are entitled to anything and everything that we want when we want it.
For example, not being able to buy groceries for a couple of weeks but, can afford an unlimited data plan on a new I-phone because “I am entitled to nice things.” This type of instant gratification has also made us impatient and reckless in our relationships and in raising children. Instead of working out indifference, lowering our high standards, or compromising in our relationships we go into all of them with the notion we can replace them or divorce them with no real consequences. In other words, we treat fellow human beings as we do material possessions.

I don’t see this getting any better as our children (who walk around with the newest technology by the age of 10) are under the same impression that technology will solve all humanities issues.
There is also a rise in ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) in the world and this I don’t believe comes completely from technology, although God only knows what kind of affects the constant radio waves from cell phones and laptops are doing to our bodies that we are passing on to our children. But, this does in part have to do with what I said about wanting bigger and better things.

And of course, since our kids are tech junkies they don’t get as much of that clean, fresh air and sunshine that we did as children. We have tainted our food and water supplies. It’s nothing new but, our children’s DNA seems to be more polluted than ours is. I think this has to do with their lower abilities to fight off infections, more government mandated vaccinations and the greater accessibility to processed food.
So in my opinion, since we are so “connected” we lose focus on the things right in front of us that use to be as plain as the nose on our faces.
-InJensMind

Our next question comes from Martha.

What can help you heal the hurt, my dear?
-Martha Orlando

Before I answer this question I want to give a little insight to it. Martha asked this after reading my post about my sister’s sudden death from Cancer, ‘My Sister’s Keeper.’

Dear Martha,
I have dealt with death of many close family members since I was a young girl. I don’t know if “dealt” is the proper word because when I think of the word dealt, I think of coming to terms with it by yourself. I don’t feel like I came to terms with any of the deaths on my own. When someone we know and love dies, we are forced to deal with it because there is no way to bring them back and life goes on whether we want it to or not.

Maybe this is the reason I haven’t healed fully from any of the losses in my life. People say, “time heals.” Time heals because after a while of living without someone, we eventually push them out of the front of our minds. Technically, life pushes them out of the front of our minds not necessarily us. Day after day, happy and not-so happy things happen that take the place of those initial thoughts of that person we lost. I don’t think there is a way to ever heal fully from the loss of a loved one; it remains in us like a scar from surgery does.

There will always be a reminder that they were once present in our lives. When someone loses a close friend or loved one we say the best thing to do is hold on to the happy memories of them. How can we ever fully heal if we cling to their memory? We can’t, because we remember them.

So, I suppose in time I can heal because I will not focus so much on her being gone but, I will never fully heal from losing my sister.
-InJensMind

Our final question this week comes from Jan.

I have been in an unintended competition with my sister for years, all of our lives really. She is 6 years my senior, my favorite saying of us is that if we hadn’t been born sisters we would have never met. We are completely different. She lives a life of I can’t(s), I live with tell me I can’t I will show you I can. “I can’t” are her two favorite words. Anyway, when something serious happens, such as I had a crisis in my life, as a result had my blood pressure checked ended up on 4 different meds for it. The doctor was astounded that I hadn’t stroked out. 2 weeks later my sister calls and says, “Um, I don’t mean to steal your thunder, but my blood pressure was higher than yours.” Seriously? Does she truly think I Want to be ill? This is the kind of competitiveness I mean. What can I do? Continue to ignore her or heaven forbid confront her. I don’t feel confrontation would work either because she has no idea of what she is doing, and would deny, deny, deny, also how she lives.
-Thanks, Jan

Dear Jan,
A little bit of competition in life is not a bad thing, in fact it can make us push ourselves to do better than what we thought we could do. Sibling rivalry is nothing new, it’s been around forever. It’s ok to be different, we should be different from others or how boring life would be if we were all the same. Being of the same bloodline does not mean we will be alike. Those aspects of your relationship with your sister are perfectly normal.

Now let me address this issue about being ill. I am sorry to hear of your illness and hope that you get better soon. As far as your sister’s reaction, some people believe that they are the center of everything and should always be treated as such. Sickness should never be a competition, EVER! I find it disconcerting that your own sister would try to make that a competition. What’s the prize when you win in this type of competition? Death… I don’t know about you but, I wouldn’t want to brag about winning that prize.

I don’t want to say ignore it but, I also don’t believe you should confront her. People get set in their ways; all a confrontation does is add more stress for the person who truly cares more, in this case that would be you. More stress equals more illness which is not what you need in your life. I am a firm believer in just accepting people for who and what they are. Nothing you say is going to make her realize what she is doing is in bad taste. I have firsthand knowledge in this and I handled it this way.

When the person called, I let them do the talking, complaining, and /or pity-party conversation. I would occasionally try to throw in an “uh-huh, ok, or wow that’s something isn’t it.” Then from there I would change the subject and if they were hell-bent on staying on their “poor me” topic, well then it was time for me to go.

It’s not that you have to give into their apprehensive behavior and lack of common courtesy it’s just there are benefits of doing this. As a caring and loving person the biggest issue I have found is… what if my loved one passed away and I didn’t do all I could to be understanding.

I can’t begin to tell you why your sister acts the way she does. I can tell you though, that if you cut her off completely it would only bring a moments worth of relief. Eventually, your conscience will eat away at you because you turned your back on someone who is obviously in great need of help.

The best thing you can do to help her is to listen and cut it short if she doesn’t want to move on to something more positive or be a caring, loving sister in return. Not everyone realizes they are being selfish when they act the way your sister has. But, seeing as she purposely said to you, “ I don’t mean to steal your thunder” indicates that not only does she know she is doing it but, that she thinks that being ill is a game. When people do that it makes me wonder are they even sick or are they playing games.

My advice to you is… to do what you feel is right. If you don’t feel like dealing with her nonsense then ignore the phone call until you feel you are strong enough to speak to her. It doesn’t matter if you ignore her or confront her she is going to keep doing this because it makes her “feel” better. Good people know that everyone matters and we must do our best to be tolerant and understanding, even if the person they are dealing with is a conceited jerk who will never be a nice person. If she truly is ill or more ill than you are and she doesn’t take it seriously than it is on her.

Don’t let anyone; including your family make you feel bad for them, especially when they aren’t taking their own life seriously. Anyone who loves you would never force you into feeling guilty for them. You don’t need her to confirm you in any way, just treat her as you would an acquaintance and in the end all things work themselves out. In the meantime, you can feel good knowing that you tried and were the best tolerant and forgiving person that you could be. Good luck to you!
-InJensMind

“Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.”
By Dalai Lama XIV