If I Weren’t Oneirophobic

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I had a dream, that all men and women lived without fear. But, alas it was a figment of my imagination because I am Oneirophobic (fearful of dreams or dreaming).

I am an insomniac because I am scared to sleep (Somniophobia) because I know what is coming…dreams. Hi, my name is Jen and I am a Phobic.

Dreams don’t allow me to feel refreshed, they don’t allow me to have inner peace, and they keep me in a heightened state of confusion, worry, and paranoia.

I have never been a person who could sleep at the drop of a hat. I lay awake staring at the night sky. Technically, I lay awake watching the sun come up and when the rest of the world is beginning their day I am ending mine or wishing it would end.

Many people on the planet are this way. Most of my family is this way; the term for us is “night owls.” Although, I can’t begin to understand why the hell you need to say night, everyone knows owls are nocturnal. But, what can you do? The world isn’t exactly brimming with the most intelligent of catch-phrases, is it?

When I finally fall asleep at night or early morning, I dream. We all dream, I don’t usually remember my dreams. It’s actually quite common for people not to remember what they have dreamt about. Dream experts say it is because of sleep apnea and the stages of sleep that make some of us skip REM sleep. REM sleep is the deep sleep/dream phase.

I haven’t seen a sleep expert or a dream expert for that matter. I, in my own right, am an expert about my own sleeping and dreaming patterns though. I believe my lack of remembering dreams stems from my personal experience with premonitions at an early age and my ability to remember my past life. Not exactly my past life per se but, my past death. I drowned, it was traumatic. It is the catalyst for my fear of water (Aquaphobia).

I was 4 years old when I would have recurring nightmares. I would wake up screaming every single night. Later in life I found out they were premonitions and past memories. Pretty scary for a child if you ask me.

This may sound odd to some of you and a few of you may get exactly where I am coming from. Dreams not only allow you to fantasize and see the future or past; they allow you to work out the deeper struggle between your mind and your heart. I have conflict going on in my everyday life! Then again, who doesn’t?

Those deeper struggles have me caught between reality and paranoid delusion. Frightening, isn’t it? I know that there is no logical reason to be scared but, try explaining that to the panic-induced anxiety attacks I end up having when I see a spider. (Arachnophobia) Try sitting in a room with me as I am curled up in the fetal position on my couch sobbing like an infant, shaking intensely, and gasping for air and words. Better yet try understanding why it is that I became afraid of them in the first place. I truly don’t know when it happened, it just appeared one day out of nowhere; much like those creepy buggers do.

All of these phobias I carry with me all stem from the same place; my vivid imagination and my non-stop worrying that something bad is going to happen and I won’t be able to protect myself or my children. You know, like when you dream someone is chasing you and you can’t run or scream? I am terrified of water but, I can swim. I learned late in life but, I did learn. I am scared that one of the kids will drown because I won’t be able to save them, that I will somehow forget how to keep my own head above water. You see… paranoid and vivid imagination. I suffer from premature worry, which is most likely the reason I have been going grey since I was 19 years old.

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It doesn’t stop there though. My fear of heights (Acrophobia) or rather my fear of falling; (Batophobia) is also something that came out of nowhere. I was a young girl and my mom took us to Hurley Hospital in Flint for the 4th of July, where her friend worked. We went up to the roof to watch the fireworks; my little sister and brother were with us. I freaked out the entire time because I was petrified one of them would fall. I stood in the middle of the roof refusing to move until it was time to leave; you could say I was paralyzed. In all honesty, if one of my siblings had gone too near the edge, instinct and adrenaline would have kicked in. But, try telling that to my paranoia.

I get dizzy in high places or on stairs where you can see the basement or ground below. I am well aware of the height, I immediately begin losing it.I have fallen down many stairs in my life and broken many toes, yet I am not scared of the stairs (Climacophobia) just the height and the falling.

I believe motion sickness to be a huge part of my fear of heights. I know motion sickness is not a phobia but, fear of motion is (Kinesophobia). I have had terrifying moments because of the motion sickness though.

As a young child, before we knew I had motion sickness I was on a merry-go-round. The children who were all older than me decided to spin it super fast. I had been wrapped up in a towel because my father had taken me to the beach. Next thing you know I woke up on the ground with my dad standing over me, helping me up. I had gotten so dizzy I let go and flew off the merry-go-round. The inconsiderate children just kept running and spinning, stepping on me as they passed. Turned out, dad too has motion sickness and now we knew I had to stay off of twirling/spinny things.

It took a matter of minutes to find out I would have to abandon a swing because I would start to feel ill. I also had a very difficult time riding in cars because I was likely to vomit if the trip was too long. So then, I became scared of vomiting (Emetophobia) because vomiting is one of the most embarrassing things that you can do in public; besides soiling yourself, that is. At least I didn’t turn Amaxophobic (fearful of riding in cars).

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I never thought of myself as a scaredy cat but, as you can see I am scared of many things that cause me great anguish and sleepless nights. Why? All because I worry prematurely and had children, guess that means I am afraid of being a bad parent.

What are you scared of? How do you handle the fear? Is it a panic inducing phobia or just a paranoid worry?

Sunday’s Question Segment

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This is the second installment of Sunday’s Question Segment, where you, the reader, write in and ask a question that you would like answered.

I am not a professional psychiatrist or a licensed doctor, these are just my sole opinions. The whole reasoning for this segment is for you to get a question answered, to build a great conversation, and for me to share a bit more of myself… my thoughts, feelings and opinions. I hope you enjoy these magnificent questions and hopefully I can answer them the way they truly deserve to be answered… with honesty, feeling, and insight.

We will continue this segment every week, so please feel free to send in questions in any number of ways that were listed in last week’s post. By all means, the answers in any of these question segments are not intended to offend anyone.

This week we have three questions so let’s get started. Our first post comes from Bornstoryteller and it is one hell of a question. Here’s hoping I don’t screw it up.

Why are we living in a world where we can’t pay attention to what is in front of us? How did we get here?

Dear Bornstoryteller,
I think the reason we cannot pay attention to what’s in front of us has to do with short attention spans from technology. When I was a child we watched movies about the future. In these movies, the robots would take over humanity.

I think in some weird way that is what has happened. When you look around you today, you can see how technology has deteriorated what once was; manners, common sense, the ability to think and act on one’s own behalf, and the distortion of the English language.
Don’t get me wrong, technology has been very helpful to humanity but, it has also created a “need” for instant gratification and entitlement. I say “need” when it’s actually a want because of course we think we “need” it therefore, we keep upgrading everything in our lives to bigger, better, faster things.

Patience is becoming as extinct as a home phone. Nobody wants to wait around for something to happen, it needs to happen now or we get bored and just let it go or we don’t even see it in the first place. We have become a society that believes we are entitled to anything and everything that we want when we want it.
For example, not being able to buy groceries for a couple of weeks but, can afford an unlimited data plan on a new I-phone because “I am entitled to nice things.” This type of instant gratification has also made us impatient and reckless in our relationships and in raising children. Instead of working out indifference, lowering our high standards, or compromising in our relationships we go into all of them with the notion we can replace them or divorce them with no real consequences. In other words, we treat fellow human beings as we do material possessions.

I don’t see this getting any better as our children (who walk around with the newest technology by the age of 10) are under the same impression that technology will solve all humanities issues.
There is also a rise in ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) in the world and this I don’t believe comes completely from technology, although God only knows what kind of affects the constant radio waves from cell phones and laptops are doing to our bodies that we are passing on to our children. But, this does in part have to do with what I said about wanting bigger and better things.

And of course, since our kids are tech junkies they don’t get as much of that clean, fresh air and sunshine that we did as children. We have tainted our food and water supplies. It’s nothing new but, our children’s DNA seems to be more polluted than ours is. I think this has to do with their lower abilities to fight off infections, more government mandated vaccinations and the greater accessibility to processed food.
So in my opinion, since we are so “connected” we lose focus on the things right in front of us that use to be as plain as the nose on our faces.

Our next question comes from Martha.

What can help you heal the hurt, my dear?
-Martha Orlando

Before I answer this question I want to give a little insight to it. Martha asked this after reading my post about my sister’s sudden death from Cancer, ‘My Sister’s Keeper.’

Dear Martha,
I have dealt with death of many close family members since I was a young girl. I don’t know if “dealt” is the proper word because when I think of the word dealt, I think of coming to terms with it by yourself. I don’t feel like I came to terms with any of the deaths on my own. When someone we know and love dies, we are forced to deal with it because there is no way to bring them back and life goes on whether we want it to or not.

Maybe this is the reason I haven’t healed fully from any of the losses in my life. People say, “time heals.” Time heals because after a while of living without someone, we eventually push them out of the front of our minds. Technically, life pushes them out of the front of our minds not necessarily us. Day after day, happy and not-so happy things happen that take the place of those initial thoughts of that person we lost. I don’t think there is a way to ever heal fully from the loss of a loved one; it remains in us like a scar from surgery does.

There will always be a reminder that they were once present in our lives. When someone loses a close friend or loved one we say the best thing to do is hold on to the happy memories of them. How can we ever fully heal if we cling to their memory? We can’t, because we remember them.

So, I suppose in time I can heal because I will not focus so much on her being gone but, I will never fully heal from losing my sister.

Our final question this week comes from Jan.

I have been in an unintended competition with my sister for years, all of our lives really. She is 6 years my senior, my favorite saying of us is that if we hadn’t been born sisters we would have never met. We are completely different. She lives a life of I can’t(s), I live with tell me I can’t I will show you I can. “I can’t” are her two favorite words. Anyway, when something serious happens, such as I had a crisis in my life, as a result had my blood pressure checked ended up on 4 different meds for it. The doctor was astounded that I hadn’t stroked out. 2 weeks later my sister calls and says, “Um, I don’t mean to steal your thunder, but my blood pressure was higher than yours.” Seriously? Does she truly think I Want to be ill? This is the kind of competitiveness I mean. What can I do? Continue to ignore her or heaven forbid confront her. I don’t feel confrontation would work either because she has no idea of what she is doing, and would deny, deny, deny, also how she lives.
-Thanks, Jan

Dear Jan,
A little bit of competition in life is not a bad thing, in fact it can make us push ourselves to do better than what we thought we could do. Sibling rivalry is nothing new, it’s been around forever. It’s ok to be different, we should be different from others or how boring life would be if we were all the same. Being of the same bloodline does not mean we will be alike. Those aspects of your relationship with your sister are perfectly normal.

Now let me address this issue about being ill. I am sorry to hear of your illness and hope that you get better soon. As far as your sister’s reaction, some people believe that they are the center of everything and should always be treated as such. Sickness should never be a competition, EVER! I find it disconcerting that your own sister would try to make that a competition. What’s the prize when you win in this type of competition? Death… I don’t know about you but, I wouldn’t want to brag about winning that prize.

I don’t want to say ignore it but, I also don’t believe you should confront her. People get set in their ways; all a confrontation does is add more stress for the person who truly cares more, in this case that would be you. More stress equals more illness which is not what you need in your life. I am a firm believer in just accepting people for who and what they are. Nothing you say is going to make her realize what she is doing is in bad taste. I have firsthand knowledge in this and I handled it this way.

When the person called, I let them do the talking, complaining, and /or pity-party conversation. I would occasionally try to throw in an “uh-huh, ok, or wow that’s something isn’t it.” Then from there I would change the subject and if they were hell-bent on staying on their “poor me” topic, well then it was time for me to go.

It’s not that you have to give into their apprehensive behavior and lack of common courtesy it’s just there are benefits of doing this. As a caring and loving person the biggest issue I have found is… what if my loved one passed away and I didn’t do all I could to be understanding.

I can’t begin to tell you why your sister acts the way she does. I can tell you though, that if you cut her off completely it would only bring a moments worth of relief. Eventually, your conscience will eat away at you because you turned your back on someone who is obviously in great need of help.

The best thing you can do to help her is to listen and cut it short if she doesn’t want to move on to something more positive or be a caring, loving sister in return. Not everyone realizes they are being selfish when they act the way your sister has. But, seeing as she purposely said to you, “ I don’t mean to steal your thunder” indicates that not only does she know she is doing it but, that she thinks that being ill is a game. When people do that it makes me wonder are they even sick or are they playing games.

My advice to you is… to do what you feel is right. If you don’t feel like dealing with her nonsense then ignore the phone call until you feel you are strong enough to speak to her. It doesn’t matter if you ignore her or confront her she is going to keep doing this because it makes her “feel” better. Good people know that everyone matters and we must do our best to be tolerant and understanding, even if the person they are dealing with is a conceited jerk who will never be a nice person. If she truly is ill or more ill than you are and she doesn’t take it seriously than it is on her.

Don’t let anyone; including your family make you feel bad for them, especially when they aren’t taking their own life seriously. Anyone who loves you would never force you into feeling guilty for them. You don’t need her to confirm you in any way, just treat her as you would an acquaintance and in the end all things work themselves out. In the meantime, you can feel good knowing that you tried and were the best tolerant and forgiving person that you could be. Good luck to you!

“Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.”
By Dalai Lama XIV

My Twin Nephews Turn 1 Today

One year ago today, I became an aunt for the 4th time when my sister Jessica gave birth to twin boys, Harley and Marley.

Of course I am an aunt to all my husband’s nieces and nephews as well but, this special post goes out for the birthday boys.

I haven’t gotten a chance to hold my nephews let alone spoil them rotten or even throw them a huge party. As sad as I am about that, I am much sadder that their mom isn’t there to do those things neither.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 months already since Jess passed. It still feels so surreal to me. She would go M.I.A. for months at a time and if I don’t think about it too much it’s as if she is still here. But, when I see a movie or hear a song, I get slapped back into reality. She’s gone and isn’t coming back ever! That fucking sucks!!!

Jess left behind 4 beautiful children and it hurts my soul so much that I haven’t had a chance to spend the time that an aunt should get with her nieces and nephews. On top of that I don’t even have pictures. Well, luckily my mom has a chance to spend time with the boys and I can get pictures from her but, it’s just not the same as being there or taking the pictures yourself. I will take what I can get though because that’s what a loving aunt does… happily accepts what is offered her with a saddened heart but, keeps her tears hidden from the world and still says thank you.

But, today I won’t complain and I won’t cry because I can’t see my nephews on their first birthday. Instead, I will sob silently for my sister while the Happy Birthday song will loudly flow from my still grieving soul. I will sing so loud that the heavens will have no choice but, to open up and send angels down to sing along with me! 

Happy Birthday Harley and Marley… Your aunt Jenni loves you very much! And because your mom loved how crazy I could be and was so ecstatic every time I listened to New Kids On The Block… I must post a birthday video for you both so that you can know a small portion of your mom and my childhood memories.

YouTube Tuesday

YouTube Tuesday, adopted from Josh at Its Tiger Time, is a day set aside for sharing your favorite video.


Feel free to join in each week and see how creative we bloggers can be. Each month, Josh will highlight a selected video and present the winner with the ‘YouTube Tuesday’ Award.
If you participate, remember to leave your YouTube Tuesday link at Its Tiger Time as well as all the blogs you visit.

Evolution of Dance – By Judson Laipply

Sunday’s Question Segment

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I am starting a new Sunday ritual on my blog. I think it would be fun to have my readers send in questions that you would like answered.

It will be like a Dear Abby column,only InJensMind style, so please send me a question.

You can do this via Facebook, G+, Twitter, a comment on this post, or email… it can be private or public, you can choose to be anonymous if you want, it can be true, made-up, or something you saw or heard someone say… Anything goes! Please make sure when you send in your question that you sign the bottom of it with the name you want to appear on the post.

To start it off, here is the first question.

“For Jens Sake, I have a question. As I was sitting in church listening to today’s sermon I tweeted Pastor Bob’s words to my followers. The words were so uplifting to me that I had to pass them on. Is it wrong of me to share the good Lord’s message on Twitter while church is in session?”
                                         -Tweeting For God

Dear Tweeting For God,
I can appreciate how much you want to help your followers by passing on a positive message. However, I don’t know if God or Pastor Bob will welcome what it is you are trying to do. There is etiquette that you must follow while using your cellphone in public places. Tweeting, texting or the use of any social network is not something that should be done in church. Yes, we are in a technological age but, it is disrespectful to not give your full attention to the pastor. If you are afraid that you may forget what was said and you feel it is imperative to share; write it down and spread the message after you leave God’s house.


Thank you for joining For Jens Sake and the new Sunday segment. Don’t forget to send in your questions each week by Saturday 11:59 pm Central time. You can find me on several social networks just look under the tab marked Find Me On or you can email me at injensmind@gmail.com Make sure you sign your question the way you want your name to appear in the post. Tune in every Sunday for new questions.

The Sound of My Life

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I have participated in YouTube Tuesday and if you have paid close attention than you may have noticed something… I love musicals,



“love, love, love, love, love, love, love, all you need is love, love is all you need.”

Did I tell you that I love musicals? Yes, I love them, ever since I was a little girl and saw my first musical. I don’t even remember what it was; wait… do Elvis movies count as musicals? By George, I think they do. Well there you have it… Yes indeed, Elvis movies were my first musicals.

As I grew older I watched more musicals;

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Oklahoma, The Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, Fiddler on the Roof, Les Miserables, and WestSide Story, etc… WestSide Story just happened to be on at 5 a.m. a couple of weeks ago and it wouldn’t let me sleep. Obviously, at anytime I had the choice to shut it off and go to sleep like a normal person but, as you all very well know by now; I am NOT a normal person.

I think everyone’s life should be lived as a musical, people walking through the streets and all of a sudden they break out in song and dance. The world would be a much happier place if we did. I know I am happy and laughing all the time and I break out in song at the drop of a hat.

A conversation cannot be held in my home without me singing; ask my daughter she will tell you. My kids have learnt the lyrics to many songs because of my out-of-the-box thinking. They also hate many a song because it gets stuck in their heads, like…

“They´re coming to take me away, haha, they´re coming to take me away, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I´ll be happy to see those nice young men In their clean white coats and they´re coming to take me AWAY,HA HAAAA” Go ahead see if you can get that out of your head and you will see why she hates when I sing that song in particular. *Evil Laugh* 

Every time the word “memories” is spoken in my house I break out in song.

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“Memories, light the corners of my mind, misty water-color memories of the way we were. Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind smiles we gave to one another for the way we were.”

I absolutely adore Barbara Streisand, probably because my mother has played her music most of my life. In fact, I remember a place she lived in Flint; when you would walk in the door on the right side of the living room, was her record player and her albums. The first album in the box was always Barbara Streisand. Aww, the memories…and off I go singing again.

Music has always been my outlet, my safe place, my sanity; those of you who are survivors understand what I am saying. We needed a safe place and it was usually deep inside our heads. My head was a library of music, as far back as I can remember; guess that made me a musical prodigy.

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By the time I was 4 years old I could sing word for word any of Elvis Presley’s songs because my father was a Stan. I say Stan because it’s great to idolize someone, buy their music and stuff but, when you start becoming them or think you are them and you compare every aspect of your life with them, than that makes for a Stan.

For those of you who don’t know what a Stan is, it’s a male version of a groupie only in my opinion it’s worse. A groupie usually stalks a celebrity because they want them for themselves. A Stan imitates them in their entirety until they honestly believe they are alike in every aspect. Eminem made a song about them; named… ‘Stan’ ft. Dido, of course.

The older I became the more the musical library grew in my head, Rock, Country, Rap, Pop, Opera, Adult Contemporary, Gospel, and Folk… you can thank my music teacher for the folk music and for the 4 years of guitar lessons that I took from age 9-12. It’s gotten to the point now that it would take me two lifetimes to name all the songs I know the words to. So, if you play me a song and I say I don’t know it consider yourself very lucky.

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Music is a cure-all; there is nothing that ails you that music cannot fix. Ok maybe I am exaggerating a bit but, music can lift your mood and it can cleanse your soul.

Therefore, I fully believe if we are to have a peaceful world it should be done by living our lives like they do in musicals.

I can see it now… Standing in line at the grocery store and realizing you don’t have enough money to pay for all that you have put in your cart. “If I were a rich man, Daidle deedle daidle Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum. All day long I’d biddy-biddy-bum if I were a wealthy man.” Tell me that wouldn’t be entertaining.

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I remember when we came back to St. Louis from Las Vegas and we were driving through Oklahoma. I couldn’t stop singing… “Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain and the wavin’ wheat can sure smell sweet when the wind comes right behind the rain.”

Maybe it’s my sense of humor that comes in to play here or it could be that I do this all the time. All I know is; you can never feel bad when you are singing all the time, so won’t you join me in a song or three? Do you break out in song out of nowhere in public? What’s your favorite thing er… musical?

“When the dog bites when the bee stings when I’m feeling sad I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feeeel soooo badddd…”

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YouTube Tuesday

YouTube Tuesday, adopted from Josh at Its Tiger Time, is a day set aside for sharing your favorite video.

Feel free to join in each week and see how creative we bloggers can be. Each month, Josh will highlight a selected video and present the winner with the ‘YouTube Tuesday’ Award.
If you participate, remember to leave your YouTube Tuesday link at Its Tiger Time as well as all the blogs you visit.

If I Were a Rich Man- Topol
From the musical ‘Fiddler on the Roof’ 1971

SPOKEN: Dear God, you made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that
it’s no great shame to be poor… but it’s no great honor, either. So what would have
been the difference if I had… a small fortune?

If I were a rich man,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I’d biddy-biddy-bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn’t have to work hard,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
If I were a biddy-biddy rich,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I’d build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of the town,
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I’d fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese
And ducks for the town to see and hear,
Squawking just as noisily as they can,
And each loud “pa-pa-geeee! pa-pa-gaack! pa-pa-geeee! pa-pa-gaack!”
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say, “Here lives a wealthy man.”

If I were a rich man,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I’d biddy-biddy-bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn’t have to work hard,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
If I were a biddy-biddy rich,
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man’s wife,
With a proper double chin,
Supervising meals to her heart’s delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock,
Oy! What a happy mood she’s in,
Screaming at the servants day and night.

The most important men in town will come to fawn on me–
They will ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wise–
“If you please, Reb Tevye?”–
“Pardon me, Reb Tevye?”–
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi’s eyes–
(chanting) Ya va voy, ya va voy voy vum…
And it won’t make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong–
When you’re rich, they think you really know.

If I were rich, I’d have the time that I lack
To sit in the synagogue and pray,
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall,
And I’d discuss the learned books with the holy men
Seven hours every day–
That would be the sweetest thing of all…

If I were a rich man,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I’d biddy-biddy-bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn’t have to work hard,
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
You decreed I should be what I am–
Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan,
If I were a wealthy man

The New Chia Seed Diet

With today’s obese numbers on the rise, weight issues have become a huge problem for both adults and children.

It seems like every one you meet is now on some kind of diet, I am no exception.

I have tried to lose weight since I had my oldest child 16 years ago. Wow, you’d think after 16 years I would have lost the weight I gained in under 9 months while pregnant.

I have tried so many diets in my life; I was always put on a diet when my step-mother was on one too. To this day I still enjoy crackers and cottage cheese; in fact I can only eat cottage cheese with crackers.

I guess because I was bigger than most girls, she figured I could benefit from the diet as well. Then again I was wearing a bra way before normal girls were but, I’m sure my massive bust had absolutely nothing to do with the extra 20 pounds I have always carried around.

After various attempts and failed results, my doctor suggested exercise. So like all sensible people I purchased equipment; a bike, treadmill, weight bench and of course a Gazelle; because no one should ever have to be without a Gazelle. Let me tell you first off that the commercials are lies. You get the Gazelle in a huge heavy box and you get the great added honor of assembling it all by your lonesome, isn’t that dandy… The commercial shows everyone with huge smiles and all the older people swear there is no impact on your knees during or after a workout.

LIES!!!! Not only did my arthritic knees feel it but, I could barely walk for a week after getting off of it. Every inch of my body hurt, which is great for a workout right? I mean you feel that burn so you know it’s working. HA! My bones were killing me but, my muscles on the other hand laughed at the puniness of the machine.

After going back to the doctor we discovered that exercise would be helpful but, in small doses because alas, I have rheumatoid arthritis. Oh yeah!!!

So now I would get to work out to help the inflammation but, not enough to actually lose weight, how freaking wonderful is that… And I get the pleasure of being on a restricted calorie diet on top of that… Oh the joy!!! Can’t you see how ecstatic I am?

Whenever I get the chance I buy For Women First or Woman’s First magazines and read all their diets, recipes and natural remedy advice. They have some wonderful articles in it so if you haven’t read them and want some extra advice pick them up. No, I don’t get paid to say that…wish I did though.

I was just reading a question that somebody wrote in and asked about, it was very informative. “I’ve heard Chia seeds are the new weight-loss superfood. Could they work for me?” The response was, Absolutely!!

That was all I needed to read and I was off to the store. It didn’t take me long to find the Chia, although I have to say they aren’t as plentiful as they were a few years ago.

Never-the-less, I left the store with $200 in a sorted variety of Chia pets. When I commit to a diet let me tell you I commit mind, body, soul and money!!!

I got home and ripped open the packages, I wasn’t sure of the dosage since I didn’t finish the article. I began taking two packets of Chia seeds a day with plenty of water. As with any diet, water is always the most important thing you can drink.

I’ve been taking the seeds for a couple of weeks now and the results are shocking! Only thing is… I haven’t lost any weight but, I sure have sprouted a nice thick patch of Chia fur out of my ass!!!

YouTube Tuesday

YouTube Tuesday, adopted from Josh at Its Tiger Time, is a day set aside for sharing your favorite video.

Feel free to join in each week and see how creative we bloggers can be.
Each month, Josh will highlight a selected video and present the winner with the ‘YouTube Tuesday’ Award.

If you participate, remember to leave your YouTube Tuesday link at Its Tiger Time as well as all the blogs you visit.

It took me a few minutes to find a video where you could hear the horn section really well, a lot of the videos are Janis Live and all you hear is the crowd.Listen carefully and you can hear the orchestra cry, no not the people playing the instruments, the actual instruments are crying. Any musician who can make your heart ache from the words and the instruments is a great musician indeed. R.I.P. Janis

Janis Joplin- Maybe

Oh if I could pray and I try, dear,
You might come back home, home to me.

Whoa, if I could ever hold your little hand
Oh you might understand.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, yeah.

Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe dear
I guess I might have done something wrong,
Honey I’d be glad to admit it.
Oh, come on home to me!
Honey maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe yeah.

Well I know that it just doesn’t ever seem to matter, baby,
Oh honey, when I go out or what I’m trying to do,
Can’t you see I’m still left here
And I’m holding on in needing you.

Please, please, please, please,
Oh won’t you reconsider babe.
Now come on, I said come back,
Won’t you come back to me!

Maybe dear, oh maybe, maybe, maybe,
Let me help you show me how.
Honey, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe,
Maybe, maybe, maybe, yeah,
Maybe, maybe, maybe, yeah.

Lucille Ball’s 100th Birthday Part 1

''I Love Lucy

Image via Wikipedia

I love Lucy, do you? August 6, 2011 was Lucille Ball’s 100th birthday.



In honor of one of my favorite comedian/actresses, I will be writing a two-part series. Part one is about Lucy’s life and career. Part two will be about why I love Lucy.


Lucille Desiree Ball (August 6, 1911 – April 26, 1989) who also went by the name Montana and Diane Belmont for a brief period in her early drama school years; was born in Jamestown, New York to Henry Durrell Ball and his wife Desiree (DeDe) Evelyn (Hunt)Ball. Lucy had one sibling, a younger brother, Fredrick Henry Ball (July 17, 1915 – February 5, 2007) Fred would later become Desi’s band road manager in the 1940’s-50’s and sit on the Board of Director’s for Desilu Productions until Desi fires him.


Henry Ball commonly known as Had, by family, was an electrician in New York and telephone lineman with the Michigan Bell Company in Michigan. Henry died in February 1915 at the age of 28 to Typhoid Fever. Desiree Evelyn Hunt Ball or DeDe as she was known; was a former concert pianist. Desiree died July 20, 1977 at 84 years old. They married August 31, 1910.


After Henry’s death, Desiree who was pregnant with Fred at the time, moved back to New York and eventually got married to her second husband, Ed Peterson. They moved to Detroit leaving Lucy and her brother in New York. Lucy moved in with her step-father’s strict parents while her brother moved in with their mother, Desiree’s parents.


When Lucy turned 11 her mother moved back to New York having divorced Ed. At the age of 15, Lucy enrolled in John Murray Dramatic School but, she was too shy and nervous to do well. The school claimed Lucy was wasting her time and theirs as she was nothing like their star pupil, Ruth Elizabeth “Bette” Davis (April 5, 1908 – October 6, 1989).


In 1927, Lucy started working as a model for fashion designer Hattie Carnegie, and then Chesterfield cigarettes after she overcame a bout of debilitating rheumatoid arthritis.
In the early 1930s, Lucy dyed her brown hair blonde and moved to Hollywood.
She appeared in 72 movies before meeting Cuban bandleader Desiderio Alberto Arnaz (March 2, 1917- December 2, 1986) best known as Desi Arnaz, in Dance, Girl, Dance. They appeared in one more movie, Too Many Girls, together and six months later on November 30, 1940 they were wed.


In 1942 MGM urged Lucy to dye her hair to the signature red color she became known for. Lucy’s career had slowed down to a crawl and Desi prompted her to try Broadcasting. When CBS refused to contract Desi in a sitcom alongside Lucy she walked away from a deal and the couple took their act on the road, it became so successful CBS took notice and gave them a contract for a sitcom.


Desilu Productions was born in 1950 when Lucy and Desi were doing their vaudeville act on the road. They continued using it because they wanted to use film instead of kinescope, which was cheaper than film. To make CBS happy, Lucy and Desi agreed to take a pay cut to use film and keep all the ownership rights.


October 15, 1951 I Love Lucy debuted co-starring Vivian Roberta Jones known as Vivian Vance (July 26, 1909 – August 17, 1979) and William Clement Frawley (February 26, 1887 – March 6, 1966) and ended May 6, 1957. When the original series ended, the show continued for three more seasons with 13 one-hour specials, running from 1957 to 1960, known first as The Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show and later in reruns as The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour. To this day I Love Lucy rerun marathons can be found on television, this weekend in particular on Hallmark channel.


One of the most memorable TV episodes ever, “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” touched on pregnancy, when Lucy gave birth to Little Ricky on January 19, 1953, the same day Lucy delivered her son Desiderio Alberto Arnaz IV (Desi Arnaz Jr.) by caesarean section. Desi Arnaz Jr. would later grow up to play his father in the movie The Mambo Kings. (1992) The couple’s first child, Lucie Desiree Arnaz, had arrived two years before Desi Jr. on July 17, 1951; she would later go on to follow in her mother’s footsteps becoming an actress, singer, and dancer.


Lucy was not only a great comedian she was a pioneer for many comedians and actresses such as Mary Tyler Moore, Penny Marshall, Cybill Shepard, and even Robin Williams. Her show also brought subjects such as childbirth to the TV screen, something not before seen. Desilu Productions became the sole property of Lucy after her and Desi’s divorce on May 4, 1960 when she bought out Desi’s share for $3 million, making her the first woman to own a major television production company. Desilu Productions brought many hit television programs after the finale of I Love Lucy; Our Miss Brooks, Make Room for Daddy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Untouchables, Star Trek, and Mission Impossible.


Lucy sold Desilu Productions in 1967 for $17 million to Gulf-Western, it is now owned by CBS. Lucy filmed The Lucy Show in 1962 and Here’s Lucy in 1968. In 1971 she became the first woman to receive the International Radio and Television Society’s Gold Medal. She also had won 4 Emmys out of the thirteen times she was nominated, was inducted into the Television Hall of Fame and gained recognition for her life’s work from the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts.


Lucy set aside her comedic genius and played a homeless woman in a made-for-television movie, Stone Pillow in 1985. In 1986 Lucy filmed a CBS show, Life with Lucy which earned $2.3 million in its 8 episode lifespan. Three years later in 1989 Lucy died from a ruptured aorta following open-heart surgery at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.



Murder in the Desert

Stuart Nager gave me a challenge: “My prompt to you: First line: “The heat has fried my brain and I can’t think.” Choose to write from one of these three genres: Sci Fi, Paranormal Romance, or Action/Adventure. Include, in what you write, the words: Angel, Stars, Kiss, Time, Button, Message. No more than 1,000 words. No less than 400. Good luck.”

*Note: I want you all to know this is my first fictional story to be posted, so please critique away but, be gentle and caring because after all my fragile ego is at your fingers mercy. Hope you enjoy it, we will see if I write others based on feedback. By the way there is adult language i.e cursing in this, so if you’re offended don’t read it. Thank you and have a lovely Wednesday.*

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“The heat has fried my brain and I can’t think. Why are we out here in the middle of Hell again?”Bob gasped. “You’re such a fucking pansy Bob. Suck it up princess, the time would pass much faster if you’d stopped whining like a bitch!” Ted replied angrily.

Bob and Ted were hiking in Nevada near Area 52. Ted had dragged Bob out on another one of his senseless buried treasure adventures. It was Mid-July and the desert sun was beating down on them from every imaginable angle.

“I’m thirsty” squawked Bob, halting dead in his tracks.
Ted kept walking oblivious to Bob’s all too familiar cries for constant pampering and attention.

Suddenly Ted stopped, “don’t mooo…”
“Don’t moo? What the hell would I moo for?” Bob yelled from a few feet back, breaking the awkward silence.

Ted was in a zone while his eyes scanned frantically from the west to the east. He then abruptly spun around, eyes still scanning the horizon.

“What are you looking for?” Bob asked
“A fucking McDonald’s Bob. I want a goddamn Big Mac, is that ok with you?” Ted retorted while shaking his head. “Fucking idiot” Ted said under his breath.

“No need to be rude,” Bob responded.

Whatever Ted had been focused on had drifted out of sight much like a passing tumbleweed. “Must be this damn heat.” Ted thought.

No longer feeling threatened; Ted hiked on. Bob realizing he was being left behind soon followed suit. “Can we stop now Ted?” Bob inquired. “No!” Ted said. “I’m really tired though Ted.” Bob replied. “Say one more fucking word Bob and I will cut out your fucking tongue!!!” Ted exclaimed. “But…” before Bob could finish his sentence Ted yanked out his hunting knife and darted towards Bob. “SAY SOMETHING!” Ted demanded.
Bob put his hand to his lips, making a gesture as if he was fastening a button.

Ted placed a kiss on his knife blade before putting it away; “works every time,” he thought. Ted looked at the sky, “It will be getting dark in a few hours. We should only have a few more miles to go before reaching our destination.” Bob must have been scared stiff because for 5 miles he didn’t say one word. Finally Ted stopped, saying “I think this is the spot.” “Bob hand me the shovel and pick-axe.” Ted growing impatient screamed, “BOB GIVE ME THE FUCKING SHIT NOW!!” Whipping around ready to slap him, Ted discovered that Bob was nowhere to be seen. “Where the Hell is that pansy?” Ted grumbled.

Ted’s eye’s scanned the horizon again… nothing. Then he caught something out of the corner of his eye, it wasn’t Bob. Ted turned his head, faced forward and came face to chest with something huge and green and just plain strange. “What the…who the… oooh myyyy God, what are youuuu?” Ted stuttered while stumbling back several feet.

Ted had not found what he was looking for instead he had found a giant green man; an alien. The alien looked at Ted and reached out its hand, holding something pinkish red. Ted stepped closer to see what it was. “Oh my God, is that a tongue? Is that Bob’s tongue?” Ted cried out, stumbling backwards again and this time falling to the ground.

Closing his eyes, Ted thought to himself, “when I open my eyes it will be gone and Bob will be standing there laughing his fat ass off at me. 1, 2, 3.” Ted opened his eyes and rubbed them roughly, to his dismay there were now three more aliens standing there; all of them holding something. “Jesus fucking Christ!!!” Ted shrieked. One alien still held Bob’s tongue, one held Bob’s head, and the other two were holding Bob’s torso and his limbs. Ted got up slowly hoping the aliens wouldn’t come any closer, as soon as he got to his feet he took off running in the opposite direction.

Ted ran and ran until he collapsed from exhaustion and passed out on the hot desert sand. “Ted Billings? Theodore Angel Billings?” a voice called out. Ted tried to sit up; a hand reached out and helped him. Ted screamed, thinking it was the aliens finally catching up to him. It was dark; Ted couldn’t see anything, except the bright lights shining and four silvery stars shoved in his face. “What’s going on? How did you find me? Where’s Bob?” Ted questioned the men in front of him. “Bob is right where you left him.” one officer replied.

“The aliens chopped him up into pieces and tried to offer him to me.” Ted stammered, tears streaming down his face. “Mr. Billings you need to come with us, we have a lot to discuss.” The man replied. “But, how did you find me?” Ted inquired again.
“We found Bob and your message led us to you. Mr. Billings you had spelled Ted with Bob’s body parts.” the officer said.

“It wasn’t me. I am innocent. It was…THE ALIENS!!!!” echoed Ted as the police put him in the back of the squad car.

Today’s Thought

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Time stands still for no man!

Isn’t that the truth? It just keeps tick tick ticking away while some of us wish it would slow down just enough for us to at least take a breath or catch up if only for a day. I would be grateful if my brain would slow down enough to focus on a single thought but, alas like time my brain stands still for no one including myself.

I have spent many a moment thinking… what to write, what to do, when will I get it done, when will I see my time come, where the Hell do I go from here, is anybody listening, what, who , when , why, how???

Questions were made to be asked or is that answered? HA and you thought I couldn’t confuse you. As you may have figured out by now, my brain is a vast and tangled web of incoming and outgoing knowledge. If I could just have one moment; a single solitary second to focus on one thought, one question that needs to be answered; it would be this…

If a person wears one outfit a day, how on Earth does the laundry triplicate?

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Not exactly the thought of a genius, I know but, still a very worthy question indeed. I have tried to figure it out, I have called the Psychic Hotline and talked to Madam Knowsitall and I cannot for the life of me get a straight answer.

I spent $5000 just to find out that I will be a celebrated person both in writing and in whatever cause I take on. I have found out that I was born to a highly intelligent and rich family but, due to the unbalance of smart vs dumb people, I was given to a family of lower lifeforms. I also was informed that the world will end in 2020 but, that I shouldn’t spread that information freely or an outbreak of gun-toting morons will shoot up all the people who are supposed to survive and be transported to a new planet. I even learned that my sharp wit and sarcastic venomous tongue will piss off several groups of people but,unfortunately nobody can tell me why my laundry pile looks like a tornado passed through and dropped off 5 states worth of laundry in my basement and living room.

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I thought these people knew it all? I could have sworn that these upstanding citizens with exceptional fortune-telling abilities could tell me my heart’s most unanswered desire? Am I wrong to think that someone who charges $9.99 for the first minute is not trust-worthy?

And again the questions pile up and my mind is off to the races once more. I am positive that my query will go unanswered until my death but, just in case let me call another psychic network to be sure. Can someone lend me a couple thousand until payday?

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